It's A Package Deal

I am not immune to the infomercial. When it is 1 AM, you're tired and nothing else is on, some of those products can start to make a lot of sense as a solution to a problem you weren't even aware you had. I'm obviously not alone in feeling like this. At one time I lived in a home containing multiple "Magic Workout Beans" designed to give you rock-hard abs, own a couple of Sham-Wows and I still contend the ultimate pasta pot with the built-in colander lid is among the greatest inventions mankind has ever come up with. All of this adulation comes despite knowing the product they are selling for $19.95 was probably made for $1.19 and the shipping costs to get it to me are going to be through the roof. That being said, there are some products that even I can't imagine someone being interested in ordering. I'm all for the occasional frivolous purchase, but some of these inventions are just a waste of time.

The other day I saw an infomercial for something called the "Ultimate Meatloaf Pan". Apparently, soggy meatloaves are an epidemic in this country. I didn't even know this was a problem but, good news, it has already been solved. The secret to this pan is that it cooks the meatloaf on a tray and all the juice stay out, dripping to an area below. (I would think this would lead to extremely dry meatloaf, but that is another product for another day.) Besides, it wasn't the special meatloaf pan that struck me as particularly unnecessary. If you ordered now (because you know they couldn't offer this deal all day long), they would send you the perfect slice knife absolutely free... you know, except for the $20 dollars in shipping and handling. The perfect slice knife is essentially a knife that comes with a guide attached like on a saw to it to ensure that all your slices were the exact same width. Yeah, I can't roll with you on this one.

Look, we all have our little bouts of OCD. I'm just like anyone else in that I like some of my things to be a very specific way, so I can respect that. But I have a hard time believing that even the most anal-retentive person could requires every single slice of their food to be the exact same width. First off, if someone was this anal about their food I'm left wondering just how they managed to cook anything, because the mixing of ingredients would probably send them over the edge. Secondly, if such a person existed you would have to imagine that by now they would have gotten this eccentricity down to a science. A lifetime of being so precise with a dinner knife would lead to a very steady hand. They would be a slicing master and in no need of a knife like this.

I can only assume they were having an awful time moving this product and decided that the only way they were going to get rid of all these stupid knives is by bundling them with a more successful product and demanding that if you want one, you would have to take the other (I think these days this move is called "Pulling a Kardashian"). Well, I'm personally not a fan. It is one thing to throw in a bendable cutting board when I order a Slap-Chop, but to demand I take this bulky, awkward invention that makes it appear as though I need training-wheels to eat dinner is just rude. Plus, where the heck would I store such a product? It certainly wouldn't fit into a normal knife block. I mean, unless you made a block specifically for the knife and it was included free as long as I called in the next 10 minutes...