Tagged Out

The other day I was folding towels and, as often happens when I am doing some repetitive task which doesn't require a lot of concentration, my mind began to wander. Specifically, as I folded towel after towel, it wandered down to the tag on the corner of each one. The tags on towels have always annoyed me because they always seem to come up at precisely the wrong moment. It is always when I am drying off and not really paying attention that the corner of that tag, which has somehow managed to sharpen as it goes through the washing machine, will scrape me in a place I would rather not be scraped. I'd cut them off in that moment, but I rarely remember to bring scissors into the shower with me and usually once I have left the bathroom the moment has passed. What I should be doing is just cut the tags off as soon as I buy new towels (because it is not like you can return them anyway). Still, I think the best solution would be if the companies would just stop putting them on to begin with. Honestly, I don't think anyone would complain, because I just don't know why towels even need tags. I'm pretty sure if you asked 100 people, 95 of them would have no idea who makes their towels, so it is not as if they would lose their big-name appeal.

It boggles my mind that there is not really a leader in the makers of towels. Random home-decorating celebrities like Martha Stewart often release towels and other bathroom accessories under their name, as do many fancy hotels, but I have never heard anyone tout a single towel brand as somehow superior to any of the others. You'll notice that people always tell you where to go and get new towels, but it has everything to do with the price and nothing to do with the brand. For example, no one ever says you have to get towels by Ralph Lauren, they just tell you the best deal is at Target. I think this is because many towels appear to be made by companies which have names that have nothing to do with towels. Just as an example out of my own cabinet, some of my towels are made by a company named Sovereign and others are made by Continental (I always thought those were names of banks). While those words might be regal-sounding, they certainly don't make me think of softness or absorbing power, which are two of the things I am really looking for when it comes to a bathroom towel.

However, just in case you think this problem is exclusive to towels, believe me when I tell you it isn't. A few years ago I slept on the most comfortable mattress ever. I got the best night of sleep and as I currently look for a new mattress I would love to go out and purchase one of these great mattresses. There is just one problem - I have no idea what it was called. I just remember it was named something that had nothing to do with sleep or beds. I believe it was called the Congressional, but you shouldn't quote me on that. My point is that by being overly-cute that company just cost itself a sale. Still, a mattress can be a pricey purchase and towels aren't. So, if there is one product that shouldn't require much thought when you are buying them beyond the size and the color, it is bathroom towels. I don't want to have to stand in the aisle and wonder if The W hotel makes good towels, because I've never stayed there and I'm not about to guess. Considering people steal the towels out of every hotel, regardless of the number of stars, you can't exactly use a hotel chain name as a good barometer of quality anyway. It would be like wondering what brands of pens banks use to chain to the desks.

With any other product this lack of any clear name recognition would be a problem. If you don't believe me try telling someone you bought a TV from a brand that nine people have heard of and watch their reaction - almost everyone you tell will think you just wasted your money. I know that a towel is a lot less of an investment than a piece of electronics and a lot easier to mass-produce so you aren't as worried about getting a dud, but in this day where marketing people can't wait to tell you how they are the official brand of whichever, it is surprising that no one has risen above all the rest. Therefore, the purpose of this post is fairly simple: I want people to start naming their towel-making companies after things which actually have to do with either showering or the quality of the material. Not only will this help the consumers clear up some confusion, but I'm willing to bet it would push one of these guys to the front of the industry. I know names like Shenandoah might sound more impressive and make for the better logo, but a name like Ultra-Plush & Ultra-Sized removes all the doubt about just what the hell I am buying. Now, if they could just tell me that without any tags.