A Sea In China

I worked as a busboy for all of one day during a charity event and that was enough to tell me that I would not have a successful career in the food service industry. So, I have a high level of respect for anyone who waits tables for a living. Furthermore, my sister was a waitress for a while, which means I have been well trained to organize my plates as best as I can to make clearing the table as easily as possible. If that wasn't enough, I'm also never going to send food back. It is entirely possible that the whole 'chefs are going to mess with your food if you send it back' myth is just propaganda started by the chefs themselves as a way to scare people into eating what they are served so the chefs have to do less work. (I just want to say, if that is true, it has worked like a charm.) What this all means is that I am a model patron. I'm not going to be demanding and will totally understand if my food is slightly delayed. But, the main reason you want me in your section is that I like to think of myself as an above-average tipper. Even if the service is bad you can expect at least 5%. The problem is that I know how tipping works at restaurants. It is during the rest of the time where I get into trouble.

Everyone expects to be tipped during the holiday season, even if they didn't actually help you out all that much. From the mailman and the guy who delivers the paper to the person who bags your groceries, people expect a little something extra for the effort. For the most part I don't begrudge them because everyone could use a few extra dollars around Christmas and those that get it generally seem very grateful when they do. Besides, I even enjoy tipping in certain situations because it gives me the chance to do the money handshake, in which you coyly slide the person a few extra bucks for helping you carry your Christmas tree to the car. Unfortunately, there aren't really any clear rules as to who should get tipped and what percentage is expected. I'm pretty sure that if you asked ten people on the street whether or not they tipped a person for performing a service and if they did tip them how much they gave, you would get about eight different answers. It is left entirely up to you in that moment. My general rule of thumb is that unless you specifically asked a person to help you do something or you probably could have done it on your own than a tip isn't required. But, even that rule only applies in everyday life. It is even hazier in the case of people whose services you rarely use.

Are you supposed to tip the people who do labor on your house? I don't know of anyone who has enough work done on their house to know the answer for certain. For all you know they get tipped every day and by not throwing a couple extra dollars their way you are insulting their profession. I can give you two examples: earlier this fall my parents had their house painted. The guys were there for a couple days and did a fine job. After they let my parents know they had completed the painting and gave them a chance to inspect the work, the guys seemed to take an extra long time to load their gear into the van. Also, after not saying five words to anyone for the first couple of days, they were more than happy to chat my dad up. Now, it is entirely possible they wanted to be this talkative all along, but didn't show it out of some kind of professionalism or fear that my parents were the kind of people who would yell at them that they were getting paid to paint, not chat. (If you know my parents, you know just how absurd this fear is.) Then this morning the guys who were refinishing the floors appeared in no great rush to head to the next job. I couldn't tell if they wanted a little something extra for coming over so early to finish or if they just didn't feel like going to the next house and starting the next job. I can only hope my hearty thanks was enough.

I think the reason people are hesitant to tip in this situation is that every bill from a contractor leaves you with a sinking suspicion you may be getting shafted. When you are questioning every line on an invoice it doesn't exactly inspire feelings of generosity. Of course, all of this confusion could be eliminated if the people involved would stop trying to be so damn subtle. What's funny about this is that guys in these situations could absolutely act as if tipping was part of the normal cycle and most people would believe them. Rather than stand there and try to force an awkward conversation in broken English, just stick your hand out and rub your fingers together in the universal sign of, "Hey, how about a little something extra?" I probably still wouldn't have given them anything, but at least it would have moved the whole production along. That's the only good thing about stiffing someone in this situation - I'm probably not going to see them again so I don't really have to worry about whether or not I have insulted them. And unlike pissing off a waitress, it isn't like these guys can mess with my food because I don't care how nice a job they may have done, I'm not eating off the floors.