Another Issue For Parents

I admit, I had stopped paying attention to the Super Bowl halftime show by the time rapper MIA flipped off the camera during her song. I thought the performance leading up to it had been terrible and I didn't need to see anymore, so I missed this apparently offensive moment. Still, I immediately caught wind of people talking about it on various social media platforms, so I  knew that it was going to cause some people to complain, because every thing on this planet has at least one person willing to complain about it. Then today Deadspin (via ESPN) released a sample of the letters the FCC received following the incident. As you would expect it is the usual calm and well-thought out reasoning from the kind of people who know not to blow a small issue out of proportion... I'm kidding of course. The letters are the spelling and grammar-challenged ravings of people who have nothing better to do than complain to the FCC because they have such inflated egos that they think anyone gives a crap about what they have to say and, even worse, they believe they represent 95% of the population. I can only hope that this time around the government is smart enough to realize that these people don't speak for anyone but themselves and doesn't over-react by enforcing several new and unnecessary restrictions on TV programming.

I've always wondered who the people who get angry enough to write complaint letters to the government actual are and today I got a glimpse. These letters came from all over the country, but with a common theme: "I'm pissed-off. Also, I don't know how to spell or turn off my Caps Lock button." I'll save you the time of going through them yourselves and simply let you know that they are mostly made up of the normal complaints about how the Super Bowl is supposed to be for families, but the night was ruined by this woman and her finger. This small act is just another sign that this country is going down the tubes and if this injustice is allowed to stand we as a nation will have lost our moral compass. I never would have thought a simple finger could carry this much weight, but it just goes to show you what I know. Surprisingly I didn't see any letters telling the world that this was somehow President Obama's fault, but there were a couple stating that Madonna's halftime show was nothing more than a pagan celebration of the Illuminati (nope, not even kidding). Still, even as I swam through that ocean full of crazy, there was one letter which caught my eye above all the rest:

"I am writing to complain about the Audi automotive ad that aired during the Super Bowl. The ad featured vampires being vaporized by the car's headlights. My four year old daughter was very frightened by this ad. She is only beginning to understand the concept of death and cannot easily differentiate between fantasy and reality when real actors (i.e. non-cartoons) are involved. I had to deflect several questions about the commercial, many of which were centered on "where the people went."

Wait. So, the middle finger didn't bother them, but the vampires dying did? It just seems like such a bizarre complaint from what appears (at least based on spelling and grammar) to be a fairly sane person. According to the report, the majority of the letters came in through the web and I think that is both the best and worst part of the internet age. On the one hand people can easily send in their complaint while they are still angry, which means their letter is much more likely to actually get sent (angry letters never seem quite as good of an idea once you have cooled off) and thus companies will know they have done something wrong and then hopefully improve customer service. On the other hand, by having a complaint box at your fingertips people don't have any filter. I think we've all been with someone who is angry enough to write a complaint letter. But what usually happens is someone asks them if they are sure that is a good idea and worth getting this worked up about it. Usually upon reflection the answer is no. I have no doubt this person was pissed and exasperated because their kid was screaming up a storm when all they wanted to do was watch the Super Bowl. I'm simply saying a five minute cooling off period would have been a good idea because not every bad experience is worth a complaint letter. I'm just left to wonder if at any point while composing this letter the writer stopped for a moment, took a step back and said to themselves, "Wait, I'm writing a letter to the government about vampires in a car commercial." I have a feeling they didn't.

As most of you know, I don't have any kids. But even without first-hand experience, I have no doubt there are a lot of difficult questions that parents worry about their kids asking and dread the day when they finally come up. I guess I just never imagined 'What happens to vampires when they die?' would be in the Top-10. And not that I would ever tell someone else how to raise their kid, but maybe if you spent a little more time thinking and a little less time composing pissed off emails which are only going to be ignored, you would have come up with a quick lie to tell your kid because 4 year-olds don't actually have to be told the truth about vampires and death. (I'm also wondering why this little girl has any concept of death, but that is another question for another post.) I would imagine that just telling her the people went home because they can teleport would have been much easier. Instead some 4 year-old now knows what a vampire is, thinks they are real and is aware people can die. I'm sure that little girl was loads of fun on the swings the next morning. I hope you are happy, "Twilight" fans - this is all your fault.