Golf Expo Ramblings

On Saturday I went to the annual Boston Golf Expo. For those of you who have never been, the Expo is every stereotype that people have about golf and the income of the people who play it come to life. It is row after row of frivolous purchase and unnecessary luxury items, from resorts you can visit to gadgets you don't need but have to have. While not as good as in past years, I still thoroughly enjoyed myself. I also picked up a few thoughts along the way and here they are in no particular order.

-The Expo was extremely packed this year, as evidenced by the fact that I had to wait to buy tickets for the first time ever, but that just gave me more time to people-watch. Specifically, I was watching the guy behind me in line. The featured speaker was supposed to be this guy Michael Breed, who is an instructor on the Golf Channel and has his own show. However, Breed's wife had a baby a couple days before the event and he cancelled his appearance, but this guy apparently didn't know that until he saw the sign by the door. The tone he used as he read the sign aloud to no one in particular have off the impression that Breed was somehow obligated to call him directly and forgot. Now, one of the things Breed was supposed to do at the event was give a free lesson to a contest winner, which normally he would charge hundreds of dollars for. Unless this guy was that contest winner, I don't know what he was so upset about.

-The majority of the booths were advertising stay-and-play golf packages to various locations. In addition to the vacation packages you could buy, most resorts were also giving a free stay away each day. All you had to do to enter was fill out a form and agree to pimp your email inbox. Of course, this is exactly the scenario I envisioned when I created my throw-away email address (where spam mail goes to die), so I had no problem filling these forms out at almost every booth. Still, it gets a little awkward after you put the form in the box because then the people are standing there and have booklets about their resort for you to take. Now, you and I know I have no intention of booking a trip to the Berkshires to play golf (I'll go for free though), but these guys don't. You can also tell they worked really hard on their pamphlets and you almost feel shamed into taking their propaganda. Thus, I walked out with a bag full of reading material I have no intention of ever reading. So, if anyone out there is planning a trip to Charleston, S.C., just know I've got a visitor's guide you can have.

-But, on the other side of the scale are the people who let you walk away without forcing you to hear their drawn-out spiel and frankly, that is almost more insulting than wasting my time. The general rule of thumb at the expos is that, much like with the people working the kiosks at the mall, if you make eye contact you're socially obligated to hear at least a couple of sentences about what the person in the booth is selling. However, when you make eye contact and they just give you the "you're free to go" nod it is more annoyance than relief. It is though they have instantly sized you up and decided that talking to you is a waste of their time. What, am I not good enough for your sales pitch? How do you know that I'm not desperate to take a golf vacation to Maine next weekend?

-One the many sales pitches I did end up hearing was for this one place which was selling time-shares. If I agreed to sit through their sales presentation (Which I would have had to paid $100 to attend. Shockingly, I passed on that sweet deal.), I would be entered in for a chance to win a free stay at another one of their properties, where I would probably have to hear their time-share pitch again. Now, I have no doubt the girl giving me the details of the contest has done it hundreds of times in dozens of location and is probably very bored with it. But for future reference I would advised her take a moment, think it through and occasionally go off the script which she had clearly memorized, because as she was going through the list of places I could win a vacation to (Las Vegas, Orlando and Myrtle Beach) she mentioned Cape Cod. That was when she looked at me with a face of pure sincerity and asks, "Have you heard of Cape Cod?" Have I heard of Cape Cod? Lady, you're at the Boston Golf Expo - everyone around here knows about Cape Cod. It would be like asking a New Yorker is they had heard of the Hamptons. It was a question so absurd that I actually had too many smart-ass comments rush to my brain at once and my brain couldn't pick just one, so for the sake of time I just went with, "Yeah, I'm familiar with Cape Cod" and then ran away before blood started gushing out of my ears.

-Previously I have written about how liberated a man's life becomes on the day when he finally realizes that people like waitresses, strippers and other cute girls in sales positions are not interested in him and are only acting that way to make a sale. Once you know this it completely shifts the power dynamic and you can finally treat them like any other salesperson, feeling free to walk away whenever you have had enough. Well, it appears a lot of guys at the Golf Expo have yet to learn this lesson. Filling out various forms gave me time to eavesdrop and I almost felt bad for some of these booth girls as they were constantly hit on. I think the saddest example was the guy who was trying to impress one such booth girl, who was trying to sell trips to Atlantic City, with his knowledge of golf trivia, busting out pick-up lines such as "Did you know the term 'birdie' was invented at a golf course in Atlantic City?" (Actually, I did know that, so perhaps I shouldn't make fun of this guy too much.) Shockingly, that guy didn't appear to have brought his girlfriend to the Expo with him. I can only assume it was because she is imaginary.