In Case I Fall In A Well...

There is an amazing story in the news right now about a group of Chilean miners trapped thousands of feet below the ground in a copper and gold mine. Thirty-three miner were found alive two weeks after the mine had a cave-in. They had managed to find their way to a safe area and then ration their food until rescue workers were able to dig a relief hole to give them food and water. They are far from done with this ordeal though, because given the shaky status of the mine around them, digging a hole big enough to get them out has to proceed slowly and could take until Christmas. In the meantime they managed to lowered a telephone line to the men and asked them what they needed, which is where the story gets a little weird. The first thing they asked for were toothbrushes. With all due respect to the dentists of the world, I don't think that would be the first thing I would have asked for. In fact, thinking it through, it would be the third thing I would ask for. Here's my list (obviously excluding food and water, because those should go without saying*), so file this away in case I take up a new career in mining:

1. Toilet Paper. Seems that it would be rather self-explanatory. Actually, you would think that it would be already included, but go back and read the story - you'll notice it is not listed among the items sent down. This fact makes me hopeful they never re-open this mine ever again.

2. My iPod. Look, I won't be able to read in the dark, at least give me something to entertain myself or I'll go insane. I thought about asking for a laptop, but it's highly doubtful I would get much of an Internet connection a half-mile below the earth. Plus, I'm not sure a laptop would fit in a six-inch relief hole, but an iPod definitely makes it. I know the power would die in a couple days, but frankly, I would hope this shared knowledge encourages you to get a move on.

3. Toothbrushes. Probably weird to some of you that this is behind an iPod, but I figure if I'm not eating much then it can get pushed back a notch. Just know that I'll give my teeth a good cleaning before I make it to the surface to ensure I look my best for the cameras.

4. A Notebook. I'm going to go out on a limb and nominate myself as the group's official biographer. Clearly being trapped will snap my consecutive days blogging streak (currently at 619), so I'll have to re-start once I get out. At least this way I have a hell of story to tell.

5. An Air Mattress. Loyal readers know the love affair I share with my bed. Sleeping on rocks for four months is not an appealing idea for me. That's why I need you to roll up the mattress and send it my way. I'll deal with getting it inflated. I'm not even asking for the electric pump... though, if you think about it, it would be kind of a dick move to send a guy trapped in a well an air mattress with no pump.

*Same goes for asking for a Pickaxe in this scenario. Remember when you had the "If you were trapped on an island, what would you bring with you" conversation with your friends? There was always that asshole who felt the need to say, "I'd want a boat." Well, obviously we would all want a boat, that's not the spirit of the conversation. Sure, digging tools would come in hand but that isn't the point of this exercise.