You're A Star Now

I remember two things about being in L.A. and walking down Hollywood Boulevard and the Walk of Fame: first was a group of Asian tourists going insane when they found Michael Jackson's star, to the point you would have thought the man himself was there, and the other was that people were constantly bumping into one another as they walked on the street because everyone was looking down to read the names and never bothered to glance where they were going. Overall, I would have to categorize it as an underwhelming experience. Still, every time someone is given a star on Hollywood Boulevard they make it seem like such a big deal. Personally, I think we should hold off on the celebration for a minute until a couple of things are cleared up. First off, the honor is diminished when you find out that it isn't that hard to get a star. All you really need is $25,000 (for "creating, installing and maintenance of the star") and someone to nominate you. Anyone can do the nominating, including fans. There is not even any kind of committee to check your career achievements - as long as someone has enough pull to get your name on the list and you've got the cash, a star can be yours. When you stop and think about it, it does seem convenient that several actors have received their stars just as a new movie was about to open up.

Also, like all things in life you must think about location, location, location. What part of the street and in front of what business your star is going to be placed should be a factor. For example, if you make the big time and are in front of the iconic Grauman's Chinese Theatre then you, my friend, are a star amongst the stars. But if you're eight blocks away in front of a Starbucks and some crappy street performer is stepping on your name everyday then clearly you should have chosen your projects more carefully. Also, who your neighbors are could put a damper on the receiving a star. If you find yourself placed somewhere between Marilyn Monroe and Laurence Olivier you are obviously in a good neighborhood. But, as I already said, it's not as hard to get a star as you would imagine, so there are some real duds out there. (Go ahead and peruse the complete list for yourself and you'll see what I mean.) The last thing you would want it to be forever immortalized between David Spade and Godzilla. [Editor's note: I have no idea if those stars are even remotely near each other.] So, if they ever come to you and say they want to give you a star on the Walk of Fame make sure to find out how far down the list they had to go before they got to your name and also where they want to put your star before you start bragging about it to everyone you know.

-I had to chuckle when I read Albert Haynesworth apparently passed his conditioning test in the pre-dawn hours Saturday morning, well before any media showed up. This was unlike his previous attempts which took place for everyone to see and the results were leaked to the media before the stopwatch was put away. Something tells me he passed his conditioning test the same way bad drivers get their licenses - eventually the instructors get tired of seeing them and passes them simply to get them out of their hair. It was stupid to make Haynesworth pass a 300 yard shuttle drill anyway because he's a defensive tackle - he won't run 300 yards in a game. This is especially true in the 3-4 defense the Redskins want to play, in which case he's only going to run a yard at a time and be expected to absorb punishment. I get that new coach Mike Shanahan wanted to show Haynesworth who the boss was after Haynesworth was the only player who refused to do offseason workouts, and Shanahan had the court of public opinion on his side. But if this had gone on much longer public opinion would have swayed and people would have started to feel like Haynesworth was being picked on. Better to let him 'pass' the test and get back to practicing, because Haynesworth's play will be the main thing that determines whether or not Shanahan's Redskin tenure is a success.