What If I Just Tell You What I Don't Want?

Despite what people may think given my food history, I actually like Mexican food. (Really, what is not to like about food made mostly of tortillas, cheese, meat and lettuce?) The thing is that I like mild Mexican food and my idea of spicy is another person's idea of extremely mild. This means my idea of mild is never easy to come by and that is why Mexican is never my first choice when ordering out. I found the key to getting mild Mexican food is to avoid adding anything with peppers, which unfortunately for me, happens to be the key ingredient in a lot of toppings. So what I do is try to get my food with minimal toppings. The problem arises because this makes me the exception to the rule and as a result people in the food service industry seem to get annoyed with me when I don't order a lot of toppings. You would think that this would put me in their favor, because I'm actually making their job easier, but no. No where is this clearer than Chipotle, which for those of you who have never been, is a gourmet burrito-on-the-go chain of stores. (I feel compelled to point out this is not a Chipotle-only phenomenon. A guy in Subway once got downright hostile that I only wanted a tuna sub with lettuce and didn't want my roll toasted.) Anyway, the way it works in Chipotle is that you go in, order your base burrito and then slowly work down the counter with the server as he asks you what you want in your burrito. Usually my conversation goes like this:

Server: You want rice?
Me: Yes, please.
Server: Cheese?
Me: Yeah.
Server: Salsa?
Me: Nope.
Server (surprised): Green peppers?
Me: No thanks.
Server (confused): Red onions?
Me: No.
Server (slightly annoyed): Beans?
Me: Nope.
Server (fully annoyed): Guacamole?
Me: No, thank you.

It is at this point my food and I are sent away under their scornful eye. I can only imagine it is because the server would prefer it if I just went ahead and cut them off by telling them what I want for toppings instead of them having to go through the list. I would be more than happy to do that for you, food service workers of America, but you appear to have a nice rhythm going and I don't want to interrupt that. Not to mention I don't have the entire menu memorized like you do and I would hate to be three bites in before I notice that I forgot to ask for sour cream. The good news for you is that I usually tip well. Just put up with me for the two minutes it takes and you will be richly rewarded.