Wow, That Was Quick

When it comes to the world of pop culture and celebrities, there are very few things that end up surprising me. I am very rarely shocked at the length some people will go to bring attention to themselves. Therefore, when reality "star" Kim Kardashian and "professional" basketball player Kris Humphries announced they were getting married, I didn't put much stock in their long-term future. They hadn't known each other very long, Kris didn't make the kind of money that was going to keep a girl like Kim happy and the entire thing had the makings of a publicity stunt, right down to the fact that the engagement photos were for sale to the tabloids almost immediately after Kris proposed. But even with my lack of faith in their ability to make 'til death did them part, I was still shocked when Kim filed for divorce this morning after only 72 days of marriage.

When I wrote my massive, "30 Things I've Learned At 30" post a couple years ago one of the lessons was that couples should live together before they get married. I think it just makes sense to find out now if the other person has any particularly annoying habits, because it isn't like those habits are going to get less annoying as time goes by. Well, either Kris has some really extra annoying habits or Kim is quite easily put-out, because 72 days is not a very long time to decide you simply can't deal with someone who will not refill the Brita. I mean, Lent is only 40 days. That means last year I could stand to give up all chocolate for about half as long as these two could stand to be married to one another. Moments like this are why etiquette gives you a year to buy wedding presents.

Just to give you some perspective, the O.J. Simpson Trial lasted for 265 days. (The length of that is kind of ironic considering one of O.J.'s lawyer was Robert Kardashian.) The longest baseball game in history, staged between the Pawtucket Red Sox and Rochester Red Wings took 33 innings and was suspended in the middle, so technically it took 66 days for them to get the game in. That means by the time Kim started looking for divorce lawyers this game hadn't even restarted. But, if the Kardashians are looking for something to hang their hats on, they can take solace in the fact that I would apparently not be able to make it around the world in a hot air balloon in less than 80 days. Score one for them.

We can only hope that there are a couple of silver linings to all of this. First off, whether we like it or not, Kim Kardashian is a role model for hundreds of thousands of young, stupid, impressionable and stupid girls. Perhaps this whole debacle and the razzing Kim will take in the aftermath will teach just a few of them that it is a bad idea to legally bind yourself to someone you just met two months ago. Secondly, there is a chance that this may mark the beginning of the end for the Kardashian empire. Pop-culture lovers can take a lot in their publicity stunts - what they can't take is out-and-out fraud. By giving up so quickly on this, the Kardashians have basically admitted they were only in it for the money. While we all knew that, it is a bad PR move to shove it in our faces (you never let the audience see behind the fourth wall). Not to mention, you have to wonder if the tabloids (who are the life-blood of a reality star) may now turn on the family, sick of paying huge amounts for photos that can only run in a single issue. Biting the hand that feeds you is never a wise idea. Of course, neither is marrying a guy you've known for a month, so expecting a smart idea from these people probably makes me look like the biggest idiot of them all.

The Halloween Interlude

Once again, we have reached Halloween. I know that technically I'm a day early, but I would rather not wait for next week to play Halloween music, because there is nothing worse than holiday-specific music one second after that holiday has passed. Plus, if I had my way yesterday would have been Halloween anyway. But I digress. Today we're going with "I Put A Spell On You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins. I didn't see a date on this video, but I can only imagine this was sometime in the mid-70s. Now I want you to watch this video and observe how clearly crazy this man is. Remember this when your parents try and chastise you about some recent pop star who is doing something stupid in the name of attention and tell you how much better musicians were in their day. Acting a fool is not exactly a new trick.

By the way, here is this year's pumpkin.

Keeping up my recent sports theme I went with the Bruins logo. I figure if you win a Championship for the first time in 40 years the least I can do is carve a vegetable in your honor. It is not my best attempt ever, but at least you can tell what I was going for.

Weekly Sporties

-Towards the end of his introductory press conference earlier this week, new Red Sox General Manager Ben Cherington tried to casually slip in the news that Red Sox pitcher John Lackey was scheduled to have Tommy John surgery and miss all of next season. Nice try, but we all caught it. Now, I know that a pitcher having major surgery on his arm and missing a year of his career sounds bad, but this might be the best thing for everyone involved. First off, fair or not Lackey has become the symbol for everything that went wrong with the Red Sox in September. He would have been booed by the Boston fans louder than any of the visitors on Opening Day. They no longer want him here and I highly doubt he wants to be here. Secondly, the rest of baseball knows the Sox are desperate to get rid of him, so the offers they have received while trying to trade him have been very low. Frankly, a year-long break from each other may be the best for everyone involved. Lackey can get healthy and hopefully deal with his off-the-field issues, while the Red Sox can try and salvage his image around the league. Maybe by this time next year everyone is in a better place emotionally. Lackey still may never pitch in Boston again, but hopefully the next year can be spent crafting a smoother exit from the city.

-Still, as bad the Red Sox appear to have been run in the last few weeks, it could always be worse - they could be the Dodgers. Late in the week an attorney for Dodger owner Frank McCourt sued the two men accused of beating San Francisco Giants fan Bryan Stow into a coma following Opening Day at Dodger Stadium. Currently, Stow's family is suing the team and the stadium for not having enough security in the parking lots and the Dodgers contend it was just the fault of the two assailants. Well, not totally their fault. You see, the lawyer also said it was partially Stow's fault because, "It takes two to tango." Blaming the guy who was beaten into a coma and suffered brain damage just for being a fan of the visiting team... classy. This from the same owner who took money from the team to finance his ridiculously extravagant lifestyle, while simultaneously running the organization into the ground, to the point that Major League Baseball took control of the team away from him and are trying to force McCourt to sell. Just remember, McCourt was one of the finalist to own the Red Sox before it was ultimately awarded to John Henry's group. Suddenly players drinking beer in the clubhouse doesn't seem so bad, does it?

-In the constantly-shifting world of college football, the news this week came from West Virginia, who told anyone who would listen that they intended to leave the Big East for the Big 12. However, the Big 12 told them to quiet down and be cool about this because they only planned to invite them to join if Missouri left for the SEC. While this was going on someone accidentally put up a press release on the official SEC website welcoming Missouri to the conference, even though they hadn't technically been asked to join yet. Meanwhile, Louisville was on the outside looking in, trying to go around West Virginia's back and convince the Big 12 that they would make a much better addition to the conference than the Mountaineers. Seriously, this is like a plot of "Glee", only with university presidents instead of singing teenagers.

-For a few hours on Friday it appeared that, after weeks of no movement and public posturing about doomsday for the season, the NBA Lockout was on its last legs. The two sides had made a tremendous amount of progress in a short time, and everyone was crowing about how a deal could be in place by the end of the weekend. There was even talk that every attempt would be made to play the full 82-game season. But, late Friday afternoon talks broke down again, the sides left without an agreement and Commissioner David Stern cancelled another two weeks of the season, saying that now there was no way the league could play a full schedule. After the dust settled from that announcement, the "anonymous sources" came out of the woodwork to spill the beans about the breakdown in talks. Apparently, everything is in place for a deal, except for a plan for revenue sharing (aka: the whole reason there is a lockout). Oh you mean the two sides are still having a staring contest over the only issue that really matters? Well then, sounds as though they were never really all that close to an agreement. How about you deal with the one issue that matters to both sides and then you can come and tease me about how soon I met get to see basketball this year? Until that get settled everything else is wasted energy.

-In an attempt to prove that he is all the way back from a knee injury, wide receiver Terrell Owens staged a public workout for any and all interested parties. Turns out no NFL teams showed up. While I know that sounds bad, the lack of scouts at the workout should not be interpreted as a lack of interest in Owens - I'm sure some middle-of-the-pack team could use him and he will make his way onto a roster eventually. But, the NFL works like this: if they are interested they call you and you go to them, not the other way around. This public workout was just further proof that T.O. seems to think he is somehow special and not an older wide-out with an image problem who has never won squat in the NFL. He needs the NFL a hell of a lot more than it needs him and the sooner he realizes that the sooner he'll find himself back in the league. This was just a way for all the teams in the league to remind him of that.

-The NFL is notorious for handing out fines to players over the stupidest little things. Wear unapproved cleats? That'll be $5,000. Hit a guy with a tackle that drew a penalty, but which appears perfectly legit on replay? $20,000. (But run after a fellow coach and challenge him to a fight? Nothing.) Anyway, that it is why it was not surprising to see that Troy Polamalu was fined $10,000 this week for using a cellphone on the sidelines, which is a no-no. Polamalu was calling his wife to let her know he wasn't seriously hurt after leaving the game with concussion-like symptoms, but the NFL wasn't interested in the reasons behind the call, just the rules he broke. Now, a lot of people took this opportunity to jump on the NFL for being too strict, but for once I find myself on the side of the Commissioner's office. The unofficial creed of the NFL is "If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying." So, if they let this incident slide, how long until every player was "calling home" to "check in with the wife"? God only knows who could really be on the other end of the line. So, I'm not going to chastise the NFL for this one, but I do feel like it should be a team, not an individual fine.

-Early in the week the Royal and Ancient Golf Club, who have been the guardians of the laws of golf pretty much since its invention, changed one of the rules. Previously, if you were on the green and your ball moved after you had addressed the ball (placed your club on the ground behind the ball) you were penalized a stroke. It didn't matter whether you moved the ball or it shifted as a result of wind, earthquake or another act of God. The bottom line is if it moved, you were screwed. Well, someone finally realized that penalty is a bit harsh and now as long as you don't touch the ball and cause it to move, you will not be penalized a stroke. It's about time this was fixed. One stupid golf rule down, about six thousand to go.

Champney Falls

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I went hiking up in New Hampshire along the Champney Falls Trail. I brought the camera and took a few pictures along the way.

For most of the start of the trail you walk along this babbling brook. As you can see, we were there at peak foliage time.

There were a lot of downed trees along the path.
Vermont might have gotten all the headlines, but Hurricane Irene did a lot of damage to this area as well. Apparently, if you had been in this spot during the storm this would all have been under water and a raging river.

The website I looked at described Champney Falls as a series of waterfalls that cascade over 700 feet down the side of the mountain. If it was going to be 700 feet of these little things, I was going to be pissed.

There is nothing noteworthy about this picture.
But, I had to climb down some steep rocks off the path to take it because I thought it was going to be awesome.

Clearly, it was not.

However, if I put in that much effort then I'm certainly going to show it to everyone. Hell, this one might be the background on my phone.

This is more like it. This is the bottom of Champney Falls.

Oh, black and white. Channeling my inner Ansel Adams.
Though, given that the Falls are named for Benjamin Champney, a local artist, perhaps this is channeling my inner Champney.


This would be Pitcher Falls, just to the left of Champney Falls.
At least I think it is. There is a real lack of signage on this trail.


Champney Falls, the middle.
Just out of frame to the right is a set of extremely steep rock steps, which were the hardest part of the trail. I had to pause a couple times on them because they were kicking my ass.

Though, clearly, I used the excuse I wanted to take another picture of the Falls.
Yeah, that's why I stopped...


The top of Champney Falls, looking down. Not exactly an auspicious start.
After this you do a short loop around and then backtrack on most of the trail, so there wasn't much new to see along the Champney Trail.

But, on the way out of the Kangamangus Highway we stopped at the Rocky George scenic area. This picture was taken on a shaky wooden suspension bridge. And you can't tell from this picture, but it is downpouring. Weirdest weather as we were leaving: it downpoured while the sun was out, then the clouds rolled in and it stopped raining. I took it as a sign Mother Nature had had enough of us.

Same bridge, opposite direction. See the couple on the rocks? They were having a full-on make-out session for about 5 minutes while I waited to take this picture in the rain and on a swaying bridge. After 4 minutes I contemplated throwing my camera at them.

More Hiking Ramblings

As some of you might know, I'm a sporadic hiker. Every couple of months I get the urge to go for a hike, overestimate my hiking ability, get frustrated when the hike is harder than I expected, finish but don't go again for several months, then forget about how much the last hike nearly killed me and repeat the process. Recently I went for a hike up to Champney Falls in New Hampshire. It was a really good time and I took a lot of pictures (expect those tomorrow). I also collected a few observations along the way...

-Before we even got to the trail we stopped at the ranger station to make sure we were not about to get in over our heads. I was standing at the desk with a yuppie couple, who were driving me crazy. The woman walked in after me, yet somehow got the Ranger's attention first, then proceeded to monopolize her time while simultaneously talking down to the ranger she was trying to get information from. When the ranger asked where they were meeting their friends, the woman told her the name of the campground, only to have the ranger informed them that couldn't be correct, as that campground was closed for the year. The yuppie girl fired back saying, "No, you're wrong, our friends are staying there." As this girl was in the middle of telling the ranger how wrong she was the yuppie's cell phone rang. It was their friends, telling them the campground was closed and they would have to stay somewhere else. The ranger then showed a hell of a lot more restraint than I would have, telling the couple a couple places they could camp. Moral of the story: even if you are from Maine you don't know more than a New Hampshire park ranger, so don't act like you do.

-All along the trail up to the Falls there were large pieces of lumber, almost the size of railroad ties, buried into the ground every couple of hundred feet. They were there to help create steps where the gap might have been too big and provide a break in the slope. But, this got me to thinking: this has to be one of the more dickheaded thing humans do to trees, right? I mean, you find a tree in the woods, cut it down, bring it to a lumberyard to cut it down even more, only to then turn around bring it back to the woods and half-bury it back into the ground, surrounded by trees? That would be like using leather straps to hold the cow pen closed.

-The trail we hiked was just off the Kangamangus Highway. You know what is fun to say? Kangamangus. Go ahead and say it a few times... I'll wait.

-I know that they help you along your journey, but I still think we should impose an age-minimum for people looking to use hiking poles on a trail. I saw a couple of teenagers with them and I wanted to grab them and tell these young people to buck up. It doesn't look good. Seriously, if I don't need to use them then no one under the age of 35 should need them.

-That being said, I was extremely jealous that those kids had hiking poles, because a couple spots on this trail were extremely steep. Again, before we headed up I checked the guide and the Champney Falls trail was described as easy-to-moderate and "good for families and children." Families of mountain goats, maybe. Once again I find myself wondering just who is in charge of grading these trails. I assume it is someone with a great deal of hiking experience, which I think is the wrong way to go. Any trail in New Hampshire is going to seem easy when compared to a hike up Everest. They should have people like me do this kind of grading because if I think it is easy than it actually must be easy.

-I noticed this very weird social phenomenon along the trail. As we were heading up to the Falls we pulled to the side a few times to let faster groups go through, just like I do in golf. All of them passed us without a word. However, on the way down the mountain we passed a lot more people beginning the trail and every single one of them greeted us with a hello and a head nod. I found the stark difference in attitude very apparent. I can only assume it was me. You see, down was much easier of a hike and I would guess that my mood was much better on the way back to the car than it was on the way to the Falls. The people on the way up must not have wanted to ask me how my hike was going because they could see it in my face.

-I had another bonding moment in the parking lot. You see, as the responsible one I brought the backpack with the water, Gatorade, an extra jacket, the camera and energy bars. But, as the responsible one I was also the one in charge of carrying it. So by the time I had finished my little 4-mile jaunt up and down a mountain I had a large, backpack-shaped sweat stain in the center of my shirt. When I got back to the car I saw that several other guys shared a similar pattern on their backs as well. Clearly, this is the mark of the responsible hiker.

-Once we were done hiking we went into nearby Lincoln, New Hampshire for some food. After buying lunch I had 50 cents in change coming my way and was really disappointed that neither quarter was the New Hampshire state quarter with the Old Man in the Mountain on it. I know that you don't only get the state quarters of the state you are in, but for some reason I expect them in New Hampshire, especially northern New Hampshire. I think it has to do with the fact that every single road sign has the Old Man on them. Seriously, the face collapsed in 2003. If you're going to hang on to the Old Man for this long you may as well go all in. It would be like going to Disney World and then not seeing a guy in Mickey costume - the experience just feels incomplete.

It's A Package Deal

I am not immune to the infomercial. When it is 1 AM, you're tired and nothing else is on, some of those products can start to make a lot of sense as a solution to a problem you weren't even aware you had. I'm obviously not alone in feeling like this. At one time I lived in a home containing multiple "Magic Workout Beans" designed to give you rock-hard abs, own a couple of Sham-Wows and I still contend the ultimate pasta pot with the built-in colander lid is among the greatest inventions mankind has ever come up with. All of this adulation comes despite knowing the product they are selling for $19.95 was probably made for $1.19 and the shipping costs to get it to me are going to be through the roof. That being said, there are some products that even I can't imagine someone being interested in ordering. I'm all for the occasional frivolous purchase, but some of these inventions are just a waste of time.

The other day I saw an infomercial for something called the "Ultimate Meatloaf Pan". Apparently, soggy meatloaves are an epidemic in this country. I didn't even know this was a problem but, good news, it has already been solved. The secret to this pan is that it cooks the meatloaf on a tray and all the juice stay out, dripping to an area below. (I would think this would lead to extremely dry meatloaf, but that is another product for another day.) Besides, it wasn't the special meatloaf pan that struck me as particularly unnecessary. If you ordered now (because you know they couldn't offer this deal all day long), they would send you the perfect slice knife absolutely free... you know, except for the $20 dollars in shipping and handling. The perfect slice knife is essentially a knife that comes with a guide attached like on a saw to it to ensure that all your slices were the exact same width. Yeah, I can't roll with you on this one.

Look, we all have our little bouts of OCD. I'm just like anyone else in that I like some of my things to be a very specific way, so I can respect that. But I have a hard time believing that even the most anal-retentive person could requires every single slice of their food to be the exact same width. First off, if someone was this anal about their food I'm left wondering just how they managed to cook anything, because the mixing of ingredients would probably send them over the edge. Secondly, if such a person existed you would have to imagine that by now they would have gotten this eccentricity down to a science. A lifetime of being so precise with a dinner knife would lead to a very steady hand. They would be a slicing master and in no need of a knife like this.

I can only assume they were having an awful time moving this product and decided that the only way they were going to get rid of all these stupid knives is by bundling them with a more successful product and demanding that if you want one, you would have to take the other (I think these days this move is called "Pulling a Kardashian"). Well, I'm personally not a fan. It is one thing to throw in a bendable cutting board when I order a Slap-Chop, but to demand I take this bulky, awkward invention that makes it appear as though I need training-wheels to eat dinner is just rude. Plus, where the heck would I store such a product? It certainly wouldn't fit into a normal knife block. I mean, unless you made a block specifically for the knife and it was included free as long as I called in the next 10 minutes...

Don't Save The Date

After taking a few years off from the holiday, I've really gotten back into Halloween over the last couple of years. I never used to care about whether or not we put out pumpkins, now I find myself spending the two weeks before Halloween agonizing over what to carve. I give most of the credit for this re-invigoration to the next generation coming along because, let's face it, Halloween is a holiday for kids. They make everything about it more fun. Therefore, everything should be done by adults to make it easier and more enjoyable for kids and their parents. That is why I think is it great that Connecticut State Rep. Tim Larson has introduced a bill to move Halloween to the last Saturday of every October. Finally, a lawmaker who has the best interest of people in mind.

Having Halloween permanently on Saturday makes so much sense. Kids are out of school (but they can still wear their costumes to school on Friday, which I know is a big deal) and most parents don't have to work. This way families can start trick-or-treating when they are ready, not rushing to get everything ready when they get home from school or work and then cutting the fun short because everyone has to get up early in the morning. Also, I think it would be safer because there would be fewer people on the roads during rush hour, which is when most kids are out. And for us slightly bigger kids it helps with the planning of Halloween parties, as they could be on Friday with Saturday and Sunday to recover. Everybody wins.

I'm sure there are those among you out there who want to remind me that Halloween started out as a religious holiday. This is true. Originally you were supposed to dressed up as a saint in honor of All Saints' Day on November 1st. But when was the last time you actually saw any kids dressed up as a saint? I'm sorry to be the one that has to report this, but that ship has sailed. I'm not even saying the holy day changes, just the run-up. You can still celebrate All Saints' Day on November first, but now you do it without a sugar hangover and sticky fingers. Besides, it is not as if I'm advocating moving Christmas. Catholics shouldn't be so tied in to dates anyway. Easter is the most holy day on the calendar and that moves around every year. We don't need to pretend these dates were an edict from God himself.

The problem for people who want to keep Halloween on the date and not the day of the week is that every few years we are reminded of how good it could be. Halloween fell on a Saturday in 2008 and it was awesome. Unfortunately, it isn't going to going to be back on a Saturday until 2014. That is just too long. This year it's on a Monday and it kind of stinks. It's like having a really great meal and then being told you can't make it again for another six years. That is why Halloween should be moved to the last Saturday of October every single year. Frankly, it shouldn't take an Act of Congress to do something that makes this much sense.

Following On Faith

It's a well-known fact that smart phones have killed the art of the bar room debate. Since everyone now has the Internet at their fingertips, people can look up answers to questions in roughly ten seconds and no one bothers to defend their positions anymore. Admittedly, this does save a lot of conflict and I'm sure the bouncers of America are grateful for it. The only problem with this instant-answer technology is that now nobody knows anything for sure, as people tend to second-guess themselves about every answer until they look up the facts online. People seem to constantly have a little voice in the back of their brain saying, "I think this is right, but I had better check." And no where is this lack of self-confidence in our answers more obvious than when it comes to driving directions.

The other day a friend and I were heading out on an adventure. Now, neither of us had been to the exact place we were going before, but we had both previously been in the general area. I was about 75% sure which way we should go, my friend was closer to 85%. Still, we thought it was probably the smartest plan to type the address into the GPS and follow its lead. For the first hour of the journey my instincts and the GPS were in unison. But when it came time to switch roads, some doubt started to creep in. It felt to me as though the computer wanted us to take an unusual turn, going in a direction I was not expecting. I wasn't the only one who thought this was wrong, as my buddy who was driving voiced his doubt. Despite that, as we reached the exit we found ourselves following the directions of the calm, British-accented female voice coming from the dashboard.

Turns out that we should have been a little more confident in ourselves, because had we gone the way we both were thinking we would have gotten there faster. The place we were trying to go to was pretty much smack in the middle of this one stretch of highway and the GPS sent us to one end of the highway instead of the other. It was technically the more direct and shorter route, but had we gone the way we both wanted to we would have been spent more time cruising on the open-highway instead of dealing with traffic lights and cars in front of us stopping to turn on and off the road. In the end it worked out alright because we did get to our destination safe and sound, just slower than we should have. (This was confirmed when we took the more highway-friendly route home and got back about 25 minutes faster than it took us to get there in the first place.)

There have been countless sci-fi shows based on the premise of humanity blindly doing what computers tells us to do and I'm starting to worry they may have been on to something. This especially bothered me because I'm not normally the kind of person who doubts himself. The problem is that I rarely use GPS. It only comes out when I'm not totally sure about which way to go and therefore naturally inclined to listen to the machine even if think it is wrong. (Plus, I really hate that annoyed tone it uses when you don't go the way it wants you to and it tells you that it is "Recalculating".) Still, going forward I should remind myself just who is in charge here. Also, every now and again I'm going to stubbornly defend a position I know is wrong during a bar debate, just to keep myself from falling out of practice.

The Animal Revolution

Easily the strangest story of the week was the one concerning an Ohio man and his own private zoo. Apparently this guy liked to have a lot of large, exotic animals on his property and his collection had grown over the years to include dozens of animals such as bears, lions, giraffes, primates and even Bengal tigers (guess he just wanted the Cincinnati Bengals nickname to be truer than the Utah Jazz). But then he ran into some legal and financial trouble. (Shocking, I know. Who would have thought the creepy guy with the weird animals would be known to authorities?) So, on Wednesday this man decided to open all the cages and let the animals run free before taking his own life.

Ohio officials immediately told people to stay in their homes, keep their pets inside and lock their doors. Police tried to round up the harmless animals, but since this happened in a fairly populated area they ended up having to kill most of the dangerous animals including 18 tigers, 17 lions, 6 black bears, 2 grizzly bears, 3 mountain lions and 2 wolves. [Sidebar: I would like to take this moment to tell all the animal rights people to shut up. Yes, I know the animals weren't in Ohio by choice and killing them is unfortunate, but human life is worth more. Seriously, could you imagine going out to grab the paper in the morning and a lion is walking down your street? The President of the Humane Society would be screaming for someone to shoot it.] It really is a sad story all the way around, because I had visions of them all hiding in the back of a van with a monkey driving down the highway, trying to look casual. This is what I get for seeing "Any Which Way But Loose" too many times.

Weekly Sporties

-In an interview with the Boston Globe that was about four days too late, Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester admitted that he was among those player who were drinking beer in the clubhouse during games, but it was usually just one beer and typically a "ninth inning rally-beer." Also, they only ordered the fried chicken once a month. Yeah, that's not really the point, Jon. What people are pissed about is the perception that you and your fellow pitchers didn't really care what happened in the game or to the team and were only worried about yourself. This perception wasn't help when Clay Buchholz came out and said that Red Sox pitching coach Curt Young wasn't tough enough on them. (It was announced on Friday that Young will be return to his old job as pitching coach of the Oakland A's.) You guys are multi-millionaires and professionals. You shouldn't have to be told to stay on the bench or put in extra work while your team is imploding. Look, Lester and the others should have spoken in the original Boston Globe article and gotten out ahead of this story. But they didn't and now they have missed that chance. Instead they should all just forget about it and shut up, because something tells me talking about it like this isn't going to help them.

-While on the subject of the Red Sox, Theo Epstein is still technically the General Manager of the team, even though he's got his staff already in place in Chicago and the Sox have his successor at the ready. The issue holding up the deal from being announced is figuring out what the Red Sox are going to get from the Cubs in exchange for Theo and who Epstein is allowed to bring with him from Boston to Chicago. At first the Sox wanted the Cubs best pitcher, Matt Garza, but the Cubs refused. (Considering the reports that Epstein is the one brokering the deal for the Cubs, does that mean he essentially refused a trade for himself? How does that work? "I'm not worth Matt Garza! Have you seen the deals I sign? You guys are lucky the Cubs were stupid enough to hire me!") Personally, I liked the idea that rather than sending a player or cash back in return, the Sox told the Cubs they were going to have to take John Lackey and his awful deal. Hey, you want the boy genius, you should have to take his biggest mistake. At the very least it'll give you a sign of things to come.

-Because so little progress has been made in the ongoing NBA lockout negotiations, both sides agreed to meet with a federal mediator during the week. The mediator thought that, since the two sides are so far apart on the key issue of revenue sharing between players and owners (it's currently 57% to the players and the owners want it to be 50/50), they should ignore that issue for the time being and concentrate on several smaller disputes. Well, most of those issues were resolved within a day. I know that sounds like a good thing, but it really isn't. Because it doesn't matter how much progress is made with the smaller stuff, a deal isn't getting made until the issue of revenue sharing is resolved. I understand why the mediator thought it would be a good idea to get the sides in a negotiating frame of mind, but it is a little like going in to buy a car and figuring out what accessories will be included before you come to an agreement on the cost of the car. It's nice that they've agreed to throw in satellite radio and all but it still doesn't make it your car. They should be concentrating on the only issue that matter. I'm still saying it will be January before the NBA returns.

-Texas and Texas A&M have been playing football against each other since 1894. They have played every year since 1915, typically on Thanksgiving. When A&M announced they were leaving the Big 12 for the SEC, they went to Texas and hoped to continue the tradition. Texas promptly told them their non-conference schedule was full until 2018. Now, it is entirely possible that this is true. Schools sign long-term contracts to play other school all the time. (Notre Dame and Michigan are contractually obligated to face one another through 2025.) But, on its way out the door of the Big 12 Texas A&M made a big show of the fact that Texas had its own network deal and refused to share that money with the rest of the conference, basically saying Texas was the reason the Big 12 was on the verge of collapse. Therefore, it is also entirely possible Texas is just refusing to deal with A&M out of spite. You know, this is what worries me about all these conference realignments. I don't really care if the Big 12 has 10 teams while the Big 10 has 12, nor do I care when the Big East's potential members include schools that touch the Pacific Ocean. It is when rivalries which have lived for a century start to die away that I get bothered. Some of these schools need to remember it is those rivalries which make college football so great and stop messing with them just to squeeze out an extra buck.

-One of the things I don't enjoy about college football is the BCS. I think having a playoff instead just makes too much sense. However, I will grant this to the BCS defenders: at least it gets people talking. With only a few spots available the rankings matter, no matter how skewed and awful they may be. The total opposite end of the spectrum is college basketball. Because they have what may be the best and fairest college championship format of them all, the rankings do not matter. It doesn't matter if you are only Top-10 when you should be Top-5, you'll have your chance to state your case come March Madness. But, it does suck all the fun out of the in-season debate over who should be #1. When it was announced the other day that North Carolina is the near-unanimous choice as the topped-ranked team in college basketball, no one was mad and no one demanded the system be changed. Instead the announcement was met with a shrugging of shoulders and a "Eh, we'll see." The rankings will be decided on the court. It may be the most fair system, but fair doesn't exactly light up the sports-talk airways.

-After last Sunday's Lions/49ers game, the two coach came to mid-field for the traditional handshake. It had been a close, contentious game which the 49ers had won so their coach, Jim Harbaugh, was a little fired up. As such he aggressively went in to shake Lions coach Jim Schwartz's hand and slapped Schwartz on the back. After a second to think it over, Schwartz decided he didn't like that and chased Harbaugh down the field to ask him just what the hell that was all about. Harbaugh said something back and the two coaches had to be separated. This led to a week-long debate in NFL circles about whether all this is necessary. Not two guys in their late 40s trying to show people how macho they are (that's obviously necessary for football), but whether coaches should be expected to shake hands after a football game. The old school guys don't think you shake hands with people you just tried to beat, while the new-school guys think it wouldn't kill them to act like adults for the one minute it takes to walk over and pretend like you care whether or not the other guy ever wins a game again. I'm with the new-school guys: you can and should show some sportsmanship, even if it's fake. But, at the end of the day, mostly I'm just happy there is an NFL handshake controversy going on that has nothing to do with Bill Belichick.

-I can't stand it when idiots are rewarded for being idiots. Mike Brown, the owner of the Cincinnati Bengals and generally considered one of the worst owners in sports, has held firm over the last few months that he was not going to trade hold-out quarterback Carson Palmer. Palmer had simply had enough of the Bengals and said he would rather retire than play for them anymore. Brown said that Palmer was under contract and he expects players to honor contracts, because apparently Mike Brown lives in the 1940s. Anyway, the Bengals drafted Palmer's replacement (Andy Dalton) and shot down any offers from other teams for Carson. Surprisingly, Dalton has played better than expected this year which made people think the Bengals would soften their stance on Palmer. People also assumed this was going to kill the Bengals' leverage since you can't start two quarterbacks and with Dalton's play Carson was now seen as expendable. Everyone was saying the Bengals would have to trade him for 50 cents on the dollar. Enter the Oakland Raiders. On Tuesday, the Raiders sent a first and second round (which could become another first if the Raiders make the playoffs) pick to Cincinnati for Palmer. That's two first round picks for a guy who hasn't been that good in about five years (Palmer should have been worth a third rounder at best). So, instead of settling for a fifth round pick which should have been a third, the Bengals are getting at least a first round pick, maybe two. Now Mike Brown, whose franchise has one good season a decade, looks brilliant. It just goes to show you, it doesn't matter how stupid you are, as long as you get to deal with an even bigger idiot you'll come out looking like the smart one.

Get Your Hate Straight

I learned about the capture and subsequent killing of Moammar Gaddafi the same way I learn about most famous people's deaths these days - Twitter. I was checking my timeline, saw his name was trending and before I even clicked over assumed it was because he was dead. (Remember, no one ever trends on Twitter for happy reasons.) But, as I scanned further down through all the updates, people also kept mentioning comedian Colin Quinn. Turns out Colin was also Tweeting about Gaddafi, but not like most people were. No, he was paying tribute to the man, saying he lasted 40 years and any career that was as long as Tony Bennett's should be applauded. Also, that Gaddafi wasn't the terrorist - we are the terrorists.

Now, I don't follow Colin on Twitter. I didn't think he was that great on SNL and as much I enjoyed Colin's last HBO special, I'm not a huge fan. But this seemed especially unfunny. Not because I was offended by the comments, but because I found it kind of lazy. Clearly, this was Colin Quinn doing the classic "shock comedian" bit of saying something beyond absurd, then sitting back and watching people's reactions for their own amusement. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of comedy, but at least most comedians have been doing it long enough that they can be a little bit clever in how they do it and you can respect that. These Tweets felt more like dropping cherry bombs in a toilet. You knew what was going to happen - it was going to get loud and messy. But it was an easy laugh for the comedian.

Before too long the idiots who didn't realize this was a joke were out in force, calling Quinn all sorts of names and telling him they were going to unfollow his feed. First off, telling someone famous that you, a random person who is not followed back by that celebrity, plan to unfollow them is less than nothing. They probably won't noticed or care when you dropped them. However, this is exactly the type of self-righteous and idiotic, empty gesture I would expect from people who get offended by anything a comedian ever says. They are trying to shock and offend you - it is their job. You want to hurt their feelings? Don't tell them you were offended, tell them you didn't laugh because they aren't funny. That is the one that will sting.

Anyway, Quinn started to reTweet all the people calling him names and not realizing that by reacting they had just become the joke. That was when I notice the thing that really drove me nuts. Mixed in among all the misspelled and poorly-worded 140 character threats telling the man to love America or leave it, were two Tweets back to back which were so strange I actually went back and read them again. The first read (and yes, I cleaned up the spelling and tone on both of these), "I would expect nothing less from some hippy, Hollywood liberal." The second said, "Why don't you and Sarah Palin go on a hunting trip together!" (Cue heavy sigh.)

You know, back when they formed the 1980 US Men's Hockey team, coach Herb Brooks saw that he had a bunch of talented kids from all over the country who had just spent their college careers beating the crap out of each other and building up some major grudges. He knew the only way for the team to come together was for them to bond over some common element. He figured the easiest thing he could get them to agree on was how much they hated their coach. That is why he was an unbelievable prick to them and worked them into the ground, so these kids could all hang out together after practice and bitch about him. Obviously, it worked. I have a hard time thinking Colin Quinn is trying to be so noble and attempting to bring the political parties together with himself as the object of mutual hatred.

Still, how is it possible that Colin Quinn can be attacked by both sides of an issue? Look, pick a side, extremists. Either Quinn is a tea-party conservative who won't acknowledge that President Obama has done anything right, or he's a tree-hugger who thinks America is responsible for starting all the problems in the middle East due to our incredible thirst for their oil. He can not be both. You can not both claim that he stand for everything that is wrong with the other party. It doesn't work like that. Look, I know neither political party wants anything to do with the other right now, but I need these people to get together and work this issue out. Is it making my head hurt. Oh, and if you are ever on Twitter and find yourself getting really offended by something a comedian has said, well then the joke is on you.

The Cash-Only Lane

I have made my peace with being the last person who still prefers to pay for stuff with cash. I get it - getting change in the form of coins is a pain and debit cards are easier and faster than a trip to the ATM. While I concede those points, I would still rather simply give people actual money in exchange for their goods or services and then be given back any money that may be left over. However, I understand I am fighting a losing battle. I'm sure we are just a few years from companies not even accepting cash and everything will have to be done through cards. I guess my only request is that if the rest of the world is going to keep swiping cards through every time they want to buy a pack of gum, then the least you could do for me is speed up the transaction.

Recently I was in the grocery store. I needed one item. I located it quickly and discovered it was $7.28. I happen to have $8 in my hand. I went back to the front of the store, to the express lanes, where people are allegedly limited to 12 items or fewer. This entire process was looking as though it was going to take me less than 4 minutes. I had the option of two lines. In the right line was an old lady who appeared to be 90% done scanning her basket filled with way more than 12 items and a teenager with only a drink in his hand. The left lane was three middle aged people, a man, a woman and then another man, all who had 5-10 items. Thinking that clearly two is better than three, I went with the right line.

It was the wrong choice.

First, the old lady kept pulling items from her basket like it was some kind of damn magic show. Then, she decided to pay by check. While that itself was odd, I could have lived with it if she had been ready. Of course she was not. First she had to find her checkbook and then she was on the hunt for a pen. Meanwhile the line to my right was already halfway through the second shopper. By the time the old woman had her bags ready to go the third guy was preparing to have his items scanned. Still, I didn't think it was that big of a deal because in front of me was the teenager. He clearly had just left school was buying cookies and soda as a snack. Surely, he would be fast and I would get to the register at roughly the same time I would have had I been in the other lane. Alas, I was wrong again. This kids whips out a debit card for his purchase of $2.77. Making matters worse is that his card was unsigned, so the clerk had to ask for ID, which of course he did not have ready either. I was still standing in line as the person who was in what should have been my spot in the left lane paid for their items and left.

In this day and age of self-checkout and express lanes, I'm kind of surprised to see that more stores don't have a cash-only lane. There is a gas station near my house where it costs less for a gallon of gas if you pay with cash because it saves the station from paying an additional card fee. I have to imagine this is something grocery stores would be interested in as well. Announce beforehand that you plan to pay with cash and get a discount. (Oh, and if you try and be all sneaky by announcing after everything has been scanned that you don't have enough cash and have to pay by debit the amount will revert back to non-cash prices.) Not only will this save the companies the fee they are charged by bank cards, increasing the company profits and allowing them to hire more people but the cashiers will have to deal with actual money and make real change, so they have to stay competent with math. I just fixed the economy and the sagging U.S. test scores in math. You're welcome, America. Now, please, get the hell out of my line if you have more than 12 items.

Very Presidential

For most politicians, the Presidency is the ultimate goal and the crowning achievement in the lives of those that get elected. The only problem with that is everything after they leave the Oval office is a downer by comparison. Oh sure, they'll stay active and form committees to try and accomplish some kind of social agenda, but deep down they know it will never be the same. Nothing is going to come close to having all that power and influence. That is why most fade into the background after their time in office. You still see Bush I at the occasional golf tournament, but Bush II is rarely seen these days (of course, a 20% approval rating when you leave office will tend to do that). That is why I'm so impressed by former President Bill Clinton - he seems to be handling it better than most.

Clinton Foundation: Celebrity Division from President Bill Clinton

Bottle Cap Boondoggle

Have you ever done something so many times you can do it without thinking? Repetition over time has cause some movement to become almost second nature. For some reason this familiarity makes it just that much more annoying when you meet resistance during an activity and have to stop and think about what you are doing. For example, say you drive to work the back roads specifically to avoid traffic. You've been going this way for so long you don't even have to think about it anymore. Then one day everyone decides to take your route and causes a five minute delay. Suddenly, you're getting much more angry looking for an alternate street to take than you would if you were on the highway every morning going nowhere like everyone else. In actuality, you're really more angry about having to think than you are about the actual delay. Well, that same principle can be applied to a lot of smaller tasks as well.

The other afternoon I went to open a bottle of soda - something I have done hundreds, if not thousands, of times in my life. Only this time for some reason the bottle would not open. I tugged. I pulled. I tried using an a towel between my hand and the cap for increased grip. I held the bottle between my legs and hoped the extra leverage would help, but nothing I did made a dent. I tried to get this stupid bottle open for so long the space on my hand between my thumb and index finger was literally red from edges of the cap digging into my skin. (The next day revealed a lovely set of bruises on the inside of my palm.) Still, the damn thing would not open and you have no idea how much it was annoying me.

There is no reason I should have had this much trouble opening a stupid bottle of Diet Pepsi. Now, I know I haven't been lifting nearly as many weights as I should have been over the last few years, but I didn't think I was getting this weak. And, in my defense, I no longer need to be able to bench heavy objects. I have discovered that these days you can rent machines which will do most of the heavy lifting for you. That being said, I sincerely hope I'm not already reaching the point where I need to call for assistance to get a bottle open. I'm supposed to be the jar opener, not the guy who asks someone else to open the jar for them. A closer examination revealed that the cap was on extremely tight and the bottle had no give to it. It appeared to be pressure-packed making me think it had been dropped somewhere along the way.

While that made me feel better about my inability to get the bottle open, I now had a whole new set of problems to worry about, namely this thing exploding all over my kitchen once I finally did get the top off. (Not to mention I still had to figure out just how to do that part.) I ended up having to grab a pair of pliers to twist the top off. For safety's sake I did it over the sink, with all the care of a bomb-tech, fully convinced this bottle was going to explode. Well it didn't, which made me feel all the weaker. To be honest, I was kind of hoping for an explosion. It was the same feeling you get when you call an IT guy to look at your computer - you almost want the machine to be seriously broken because that way your call was justified. Instead I'm left feeling like I am one step closer to having to buy my spaghetti sauce in cans instead of jars.

Sit Lightly

I'm a guy, which means I'm not about to stop wearing a piece of clothing just because it has a hole in it. It may simply become 'working around the house' clothing, but I'm not about to throw a shirt away because one or two spots have worn out. By guy math, 94% of that shirt is still good. (I'm noticing more and more this is a gender thing. Girls want to throw away shirts the second they spot a hole.) Often how I make this decision comes down to the size and location of the rip. If it is small enough I can ignore it and if it is somewhere no one else should be looking than I can pretend it's not even there. But the hole is located somewhere I think it might become a problem, then I have no choice but to break out the needle and thread.

Lately this has been happening to my jeans a lot. When it comes to pants, I feel like as long as the space between the legs is in good shape than they can and should be saved. However, I like to wear my jeans a little baggy and a little low, which was the style a few years ago before skinny jeans came into our lives. As a result I find myself constantly pulling them up or down by the tops of the back pockets. This led to the jeans becoming frayed at the top corner of those pockets and over time those frayed areas become full-blown holes, which only got bigger the more I continued to wear my jeans. And for those of you keeping track, the tops of the back pockets would be one of those spots I feel like I can't ignore. Now, sewing the holes closed is a fairly straightforward process and, shockingly, more often than not my repair attempts come out pretty good. It is what comes after that which gets a little tricky.

When you are not a particularly strong sewer the first time you wear something you recently repaired can be pretty stressful. You are almost expecting to hear the tell-tale ripping noise with every move. If anything is accidentally dropped to the floor you find yourself wondering if it is worth the risk to pick it up, or if you should just leave alone and come back for it later. It is the same feeling you get the first time you attempt to either build or repair any kind of seat. You want to sit normally, but in the back of your mind you are just waiting for everything to literally fall out from under you. It is not fun because, let's face facts - there is no way you can comfortably sit without fully committing to the process. At some point you just have to put all your weight on it and hope you don't find yourself suddenly sitting on the floor.

The good news is that if you can make it through the first couple of days without tearing the repair job you just finished then you should be in the clear. Still, it will always be in the back of your mind. It does once again make me wonder why the people who make jeans don't use better stitching in some parts of their pants where it seems necessary. (And you have to figure they know exactly where those spots are). Until they do, I guess I'll just have to keep repairing my pants until they are more hole than jean. I just hope I'm never forced to sit in newly-repaired chair while wearing recently-sewn jeans. And if that is my only option I think I would rather just stand.

Protest Music

The big news of the last few weeks have been the protesters of "Occupy Wall Street". This group of several hundred people have gathered in parks to show the world... something. I'm not totally sure what they want, as they seem to have a mixed message. I just know they are angry and they blame big corporations... or the government. Whatever their issue, it is spreading. There are now people "Occupying" several locations around the globe, including Boston. I'm sure this is going to work, because as we know sitting near the street with signs in the best way to get people interested in your cause, as evidenced by how few homeless people there are in the world.

Anyway, my bigger issue with them is their music. Back in the day, protest music was really good. It was meaningful and well-written. Now when they show footage of an occupation it is some unwashed guy with a guitar trying desperately to come up with a word that rhymes with "hedge fund" and failing miserably. The music is really awful. Clearly they should have occupied a music class first. Therefore, in the spirit of protest, allow Bob Dylan to show them how it's done. Now, this is not the best version of this song I found online, but you can't post the official recordings due to copyright laws. There is something rather ironic about that, but we'll leave that for another time.

Weekly Sporties

-I'm always amused when someone who had an abrasive personality passes away and then the rest of the world tries really hard to come up with creative ways to acknowledge that without openly calling a dead person an asshole. When Al Davis passed away last Saturday, every media outlet in the country was trying to creatively praise the man for his ideas while at the same time concede that some aspects of his personality weren't so friendly. Example of the code words they came up with included "maverick" and "rogue". I lost count of how many times people started sentences with some variation of the phrase, "Say what you want about Al Davis..." But, here's the funny part: Al Davis was kind of proud of being an asshole. I saw many interviews this week in which he gladly admitted he was a tough person to deal with and I never heard a hint of shame in his voice. I guess the point is if someone chooses to spend their entire life being a bit of a prick to people then they are most likely very aware of how people feel about them and my guess is since they didn't care how you talked about them when they were alive, they probably don't care once they are gone. In fact, I bet they would appreciate the straight talk a lot more.

-Speaking of not being able to figure out that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all, Red Sox owner John Henry showed up unannounced at the 98.5 Sports Hub studios on Friday to fire back against some of the things written in the Boston Globe's article earlier in the week and some of the conclusions the show's hosts had made in conjunction with that article. While it was shocking to hear the normally-reserved Henry come out firing like this, the entire thing came across as a little desperate and a little bit "me thinks thou doth protest too much". (At some point we should talk about how WEEI and not 98.5 is the official radio home of the Red Sox, so I bet they didn't appreciate the Red Sox owner giving the competition the exclusive.) But, instead of clearing up things, Henry just made it worse when he admitted he didn't want to sign Carl Crawford. You know, the same Carl Crawford who has six years remaining on his deal. This is not the way to begin rebuilding clubhouse chemistry. I guess this is why Henry doesn't do a ton of interviews. Why don't you stop talking for a while, Champ?

-In the middle of the week, NBA Commissioner David Stern came out and said that if this weekend's round of meetings do not go well, the league may have to cancel more games, all the way up to Christmas. No kidding, David. The further into the schedule you get without an agreement, the more games you will have to cancel. I know I'm not a lawyer, but that seems like a fairly obvious conclusion for us "normal" people to figure out. How is this for a counter-proposal: instead of holding weekly press conference to tell us how many games are going to be cancelled if you can't agree to a deal by some date that you are essentially picking at random, why don't you go and meet with the players' union? That way you can actually make progress instead of trying to negotiate through the media. Honestly, I'm one of like 30 people in the country who care about the NBA season and they are even starting to piss me off with this whole thing.

-By the way, the players are doing no better. First, they took to Twitter and began to end all their Tweets with the hashtag of #LetUsPlay. Yeah, you guys need to shut up as well. Again, the lockout isn't going to get solved by appealing to the fans. You have to talk to the owners. Trust me, you don't want us drawing up the terms of your new deal anyway. The players other big idea was that they might form their own league in Europe. I'm sorry, is this the same Europe where teams play with different rules that NBA players can't stop complaining about during the Olympics and fans barely shows up when the NBA plays exhibition games overseas? They care about two players: LeBron and Kobe. Everyone else they can take or leave. I mean, the players can go over and try to start their own league if they want. Actually, trying to organize all the logistics while losing money might make them more sympathetic to the owners' side of the things and help move a deal along. Suddenly, I'm all for NBA Europe.

-Every time a team wins a championship (doesn't matter the level or the sport) people worry about a "championship hangover" the following season. You know, the players spend all off-season celebrating, being told how great they are by fans, start to believe their own headlines and therefore they generally don't work as hard to get ready for the season. On top of that everybody they play gives them their best effort because those teams want to prove themselves against the champs. It's a recipe for a long season. That would be bad enough, but it seems like every story about the Bruins lately has been about them fighting actual hangovers. Last Sunday they were in Foxboro to show off the Stanley Cup before the Patriots game and the next day they were lackadaisical in their early game, leading to whispers they were living it up in the luxury boxes. Well, let me go on record as officially saying I don't care. The Bruins weren't going to repeat anyway. Seriously, the NHL is simply too physically demanding for any team to win that many playoff games two years in a row. That is why no one has done it in nearly 15 years. The Bruins have a two-year grace period where no one expects anything from them. I say enjoy it while you can.

-After last week's defection by TCU the Big East unveiled a plan for expansion this week in an effort to keep their automatic BCS bid. They are planning to offer membership to Boise State, Air Force, Navy, Houston, Memphis, Central Florida, Southern Methodist, Blaine School of Beauty, Framingham State, UMass and the University of Phoenix Online College. (I'm only making a couple of those up.) Look, I don't blame the Big East for fighting with all its might to keep that automatic BCS bid. That's big money and if you don't have one of those automatic bids then there is almost no point in having football schools in your conference. I think what bothers me is that they still insist on calling themselves the Big East. If your conference includes schools in Denver, Ohio and Idaho then there is nothing East about you. I'm not going to kick and scream about expansion like some college purists, but if they do start accepting any school with a pulse, I'm going to have to insist they change their name. Might I suggest "The Big Best of What's Left"?

-During last weekend's London marathon a runner who came in third got into a bit of hot water after the fourth place runner insisted he was never passed by that runner at any point on the course. The man who finished third was rather indignant about it, saying he was supremely annoyed that race organizers were even listening to this madness. At least, he was right up to the moment when people came forward with footage of that third place running stepping off a bus. Apparently, he had hit a bit of a runner's wall around mile 20 and decided to use some public transportation to get him through it. He got off the shuttle with a mile to go and ran the rest of the way in. Obviously, he was disqualified. I say not so fast. Running isn't exactly a popular sport right now. Mixing in things like buses and trains could really help. It would make the sport more like the "Amazing Race" and that show wins an Emmy every year. I know I would certainly be more interested in participating in a marathon if they weren't so adamant that everyone had to do all that pesky running.

People Will Buy Anything

In a quest for television entertainment the other night, I landed on the A&E program "The First 48." In case you haven't ever watched it before, "The First 48" is documentary series which follows detectives from various cities around for the first 48 hours of their investigations, because the majority of crimes which are not solved within the first two days never get resolved, so that time period is critical. (Quick tip in case you ever catch an episode: the suspect whose face is not blurred out is the one they end up arresting.) I actually enjoy this show a lot and if they are ever running a marathon of it, well, that can bring my day to a halt. However, even I have limits to how much I am willing to show my admiration for this program.

During one of the commercial breaks, the channel ran an ad telling people to "shop the First48.com website" where you could buy DVD copies of individual episodes or full-seasons of the series, as well as pick up some "First 48" merchandise. It was that last part which caught my ear. Who, exactly, needs "First 48" merchandise? And just what is this merchandise they speak of? So, full of curiosity, I clicked over and discovered you can buy a variety of things like shirts, sweatshirts and coffee mugs, all with the show's logo on it. Personally, I'm just dying to know who has ever bought one of those shirts. I'm pretty sure even the people who work on the show aren't stocking up on this stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I talked about how weird it was for me to see companies put Angry Birds on just about everything under the sun, but this feels even stranger to me. At least Angry Birds is a video game which can be marketed to people of all ages, so you'll get mostly kids and the occasional adult buying something to try and prove they are still young. But "The First 48" is not a show kids should be watching, so I can't imagine that they are getting a ton of young, hip people to check out their gear. This isn't a shirt you could even wear ironically. It sends a clear message: I enjoy shows about actual murders, none of this "CSI" crap. (I feel like the people who wear "First 48" merchandise are the same people who were a little too into "The Silence of the Lambs.") I mean, show up on a date wearing a shirt revealing just how much you enjoy watching people investigate murders and see if you ever get a second date.

Maybe I'm the wrong person to talk about this kind of stuff, because I can't think of a single program I watch today that I would want to let people know I am a fan of. (Besides, I'm too busy reminding people that I used to watch "G.I. Joe" as a child.) I guess that could have to do with the shows I watch. I'm certainly not about to rock some "Gangland" clothes, because I'm pretty sure that would get me shot. Anyway, before I go I'll just leave you with this reminder: if you're having trouble coming up with a gift idea for me this holiday season, but you remember how much I enjoy a good documentary series, I want to be very clear about this - do not get me any "First 48" clothes.

Lazy Curious

When it comes to downloading content from the Internet, I stick to music. I find movies take too long to download and then are far too memory-consuming to be worth the effort. However, I do realize this opinion puts me in the minority. A lot of people have no such issues with getting a movie off the Internet. That was made clear while cruising through the web this afternoon, when I came across an article which listed the top-10 most illegally-downloaded movies ever. Not surprisingly, they were all movies which had been released in the last few years. ("The Departed", which came in at #8 on the list, was the oldest movie having been released in 2006.) Much in the same way that every movie that comes out now rockets up the 'highest grossing movies of all time' list, this list should probably be taken with a grain of salt. Technology has come a long way in the last couple of years and we should all recognize that these numbers have to be adjusted for some type of inflation. Clearly this list can't account for the number of times movies like "E.T." were illegally copied and sold on the streets during the days of VHS.

It shouldn't come as a shock to see that "Avatar" has the top spot as the most pirated movie ever. They way the studio hyped that film when it came out made it a huge target for people looking to sell bootlegs. Normally I would say that I feel bad for everyone who lost money in that deal, but James Cameron seems to be doing alright for himself, so my compassion is a little lacking right now. Also, it is far from surprising that the rest of the list is filled with other sci-fi movies like the "Star Trek" reboot (6th place), "Transformers"(#3), and "The Dark Knight" (#2). Comic book guys love their technology just as much as they love their comic book movies. (Frankly, it is the only way to explain a terrible flick like "The Incredible Hulk" showing up on this list at #9.) Since you have to watch it 12 times just to understand the plot, I can see why so many people needed to get a copy of "Inception" for reviewing purposes (#4). A couple of the other spots were filled with box-office smashes, "The Hangover" (#5) and the third "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie (#10). Not a ton of surprises on this list. Except one.

Clocking in at #7 was the film "Kick-Ass". For those of you who have never seen it (and given it's modest success at the box office I'm guessing that would be a lot of you), the movie centers around a teenage kid who decides to become a superhero. He is joined by a young, foul-mouthed girl and her ex-cop father, played by Nic Cage (doing his best to keep it together until the check clears) and the kid who played McLovin'. The movie is filled with some really graphic violence, meaning critics hated it and that is what I assume makes it so appealing to the kind of people who know how to find and illegally download movies from the Internet. I've seen it and while the extreme, almost-cartoonish violence didn't phase me, I didn't enjoy it enough to think it would have been so popular online. This has lead me to one conclusion: "Kick-Ass" fell into a category I like to call "lazy curious."

I've talked before about how whenever I go shopping I always weigh how much I like something against much it costs. I might like that shirt, but not for $25. Movies can be the same deal. I might want to see a movie, but not so much that I'm willing to pay $12 (plus snack money) to see it in the theater. Sometimes I'm not even interested enough to pay the Red Box fee and wait until it show up on cable or as a NetFlix option. But that is only because I'm not adept at finding reliable copies of movies online. If I knew right where to go to get good copies of new releases my attitude might be different. That is what I think happened with "Kick-Ass". People were slightly interested in the movie didn't feel like seeing it in a theater and probably didn't feel like renting it, but if they could click a few buttons and it would be delivered to their home for free, only then would they watch it. (And their interest was probably increased by the movie critics who hated the violence. When are people going to learn that saying something is too violent or has too much profanity just grows the audience?)

Basically, this is the new way to build a cult-classic. You put it out there, wait for the bootlegs to start getting passed around, hope word of mouth is good and sit back as the demand slowly starts to spread. You may not make any money from the original, but if enough people talk about how not-bad your movie was you can still get a sequel approved. (Seriously, they're about to release a "Footloose" remake. Clearly, Hollywood is desperate.) That is why, as I was checking to see how "Kick-Ass" did in the theaters, I was not surprised to find several items about a sequel which could potentially be in the works. I guess I should confess that I probably won't see the sequel in the theater either. Anyone know a good site where I could download a copy when it comes out?

Blurring The Lines

When a percentage of the Boston Red Sox was bought by the New York Times several years ago, a few people in the journalism community bristled. You see, the New York Times also owns the Boston Globe, which meant that one division of a company would be reporting on another section of the same company. The situation created quite the journalistic quandary. Unlike NESN, which is fully owned by the team and expected to be nothing more than a mouthpiece for the organization, the Globe is supposed to be impartial in its baseball coverage. The fact that the team and the paper shared a common owner led some to believe that the Globe would become nothing more than another cheerleader for the Sox and that the Globe's sports section would be either unwilling or unable to report on unflattering stories surrounding the club. For the most part this hasn't been an issue and any griping about the relationship coming from places like WEEI or the Boston Herald have been dismissed as sour grapes. But, every now and again, you can see where they might have a point.

The thing is, winning is a great cover-all. When everything is going well there is no reason worry about what is happening behind the scenes or who is getting too cozy with whom. As the team had unprecedented success during the last seven years, few people had a reason to question the relationship between the Globe and the Red Sox because no one wants to be seen as the person who ruins the fun for everyone by asking how much the party is costing. They were winning, getting most of the best free agents and everything was right with the world. But, following an historic collapse and their two-time World Series manager quitting/getting fired, people have started to look around for people to blame for the current situation. Suddenly, the bias is starting to show.

Now, there is plenty of blame to go around and it should be spread among every level of the team, but in reading this article in this morning's Globe, you sure don't get that sense. Allow me to sum it up for those of you who don't feel like clicking through: some players (Lackey, Beckett, Lester) were lazy and drunk, other players (Wakefield, Youkilis) were only worried about themselves, while others (Ortiz, Varitek) just stopped trying to be leaders. Meanwhile the manager was dealing with a separation from his wife and a possible painkiller addiction and lately the General Manager has been failing more than he was getting it right. It is a lot of dirty laundry getting aired out for all to see.

Reading it I couldn't help but notice a distinct lack of mention of ownership. Other than the early throwaway line acknowledging that the owners were the ones who allowed Theo Epstein to make all these bad decisions, the only mention of upper management was how John Henry tried to make all the players happy by giving them headphones and taking them on his yacht after they were pissed about having to play a double-header. Everything else was the repeated line that the owners didn't know it how bad the clubhouse had gotten, a clear effort to shift the blame away from them and onto everyone else. Reading all these quotes about Epstein, Henry and Francona I couldn't help but notice that there wasn't a single mention of President Larry Lucchino and he is rather conspicuous by his absence.

These are the problems that comes from an inflammatory story being written mostly through anonymous sources. People start to wonder just who is giving out these quotes. The story cites "sources familiar with the Sox operation at all levels." Normally it wouldn't be a major issue, but given the Globe's tight relationship with Sox ownership and the way the article seems to give that group a pass, it makes you wonder if they had a hand in the tone of this piece. The fact that the suspicion even exists shows the people who claim the paper is a little too cozy with the organization may be on to something. (Which is too bad because it cheapens the work done by guys like Bob Hohler, whom I'm sure was just working with the resources given to him.) It just proves that sometimes there is such a thing as too much access. There have been reports in the last few months that the Times may have to sell their stake in the Red Sox to make some money. When I see articles like this come out, I have to wonder if that wouldn't be the best thing for everyone involved.

The Hidden Star

Whenever there is a health guru on TV imploring people to be more active, they usually show a list of little things people can do which will help them to keep moving. One of the things which is always on this list is "Go into the store instead of using the drive-through." The guru then tries to sell this idea by stating something along the lines of, "So many people use the drive-through that it is probably faster to go inside anyway." Well, I'm here to tell you that is a bold-faced lie.

This afternoon I need to run a couple of quick errands, including stopping at the bank. When I first pulled up I planned to just do the drive-through. But, there was only one lane open at the drive-up teller window and currently six cars were in line ahead of me so I assumed that it would be faster to go inside. When I walked in I was feeling pretty good about my decision, as there were three tellers currently waiting on customers and no one in line. I could also see where the woman working the drive-through window was seated and I noticed her computer screen was currently open to a shoe store website. I almost said something to her about how many cars were in line outside, but didn't and I'm glad I kept my mouth shut. Turns out she was working that window because she was the superstar of this particular group.

While I was waiting for an open window I saw she was only browsing for shoes in the time it took for the capsule to travel back and forth between the car and the bank. During the rest of the time she was a banking machine. At the same time the people working inside were in no great hurry. The three of them were chugging along, but not at an inspiring pace. (It probably didn't help that a fourth teller who was hiding behind a 'Next Window' sign kept distracting them by attempting to make lunch plans.) I stood there, still first in line, and watched car after car after car roll through with their transactions. As the car which would have been behind me had I stayed in line pulled away from the bank I finally got to a teller.

You know, every office I have ever worked in has had a hidden star. These are the people who are not the boss (the boss can never be the star), but everyone knows they are a vitally important part of the operation. They are the ones who always get the job done and are the person willing to take on extra responsibility or the crappiest assignment every single time. Even though they don't have to, they actually give a crap about their job. Clearly, the woman working the drive-through window was this bank's hidden star. She was on the drive-through line because she was the fastest worker and very capable of shopping for shoes while getting her work done. I just wish there was a way for me to have known this before going in, because I really hate standing in lines.

Loudly Saying Nothing

I can remember sitting in the stands during Celtic's Opening Night following the NBA lockout of 1998 when midway through the third quarter the two teams lined up for some foul shots. At that point a man who was seated courtside took a few steps onto the floor and threw a wad of money at the players. (I wasn't close enough to see the denominations, but given that no one dove for the cash I recall joking they had to be small bills.) I can only assume he was trying to send the players some kind of message about how money was ruining sports or something. Given that he was sitting courtside, I can also safely assume he couldn't hate money too much as he obvious had enough of it to afford really good seats to sporting events. Anyway, the man was quickly escorted away by security, probably very proud of the big political statement he just made. The game continued, the Celtics lost and my guess is that guy was put on a list barring him from buying tickets for several years. Given that the NBA is in the midst of another prolonged lockout it is a good bet the man's message was lost on the players and his showy gesture only ended up hurting himself.

So I was thinking about that guy yesterday when some random spectator at the Frys.com Open ran onto the 7th green as Tiger Woods was playing and threw a hot dog in his general direction. The hot dog never made it particularly close to Woods and the tosser quickly gave up, throwing himself to the ground before the marshalls even got there, which is wise considering Tiger travels with a private security force which rivals the ones assigned to protect the leaders of some third-world countries. A couple hours in jail is probably a better punishment when compared to a couple nights in the hospital. He was quickly taken away, probably feeling like he accomplished something, while the PGA went about its business of trying to scrub away all video of the incident from the Internet. (Good luck with that one.) In case you were wondering, Tiger then made the putt without any trouble. (Remember that next time he flips out because he heard a camera click. If you can deal with someone throwing food at you then you can deal with someone being fast on the shutter speed.)

I wish I could tell you what this guy was trying to accomplish with his stunt, but he never said what was on his mind. If he yelled a mission statement as he was dragged away it never made it on TV. You couldn't even guess his motivation by his clothing, as he was dressed like everyone who attends a golf event. There wasn't even so much as a gambling website logo written on his chest. Maybe he doesn't like that Tiger gets so much attention despite not being the same player anymore. Perhaps he resents that the media no longer talks about Woods' affairs and this was a statement about morality. It could have been some anti-Nike stance. He could have simply been trying to break Tiger's concentration or ruin his round. Then again, maybe he thought this would be the stepping stone to a life-long friendship and one day he and Woods would be sitting around, laughing about the crazy way they came into each other's lives. Or maybe he just hates hot dogs.

Whatever his message was, this was not the best way to convey it. I mean, if you're trying to show the world how much you dislike someone or what they stand for, acting like an idiot is not the way to do it. No one takes the crazy guy's side. In fact, all you're going to do is make the other person a sympathetic figure, as they are just trying to do their work and you are the one causing the disruption. This was a perfect example - the incident was all anyone was talking about today, completely overlooking the fact that Tiger still isn't play golf particularly well. If he wanted to make Tiger Woods uncomfortable the smarter thing would have been to leave him alone and watch as he had to answer question after question of why he can't make a putt anymore.

The most likely scenario is that this was nothing more than a look-at-me stunt. Now, on more than one occasion I have used this blog to talk about how much I hate it when athletes make showy, empty gestures such as saying they would rather retire than take a paycut. Well, that same disdain carries over to the general public when they do the same thing. If you just want to get on TV, try doing something worthy with your time. And if you are simply going to act like an idiot because you don't have any actual skills, at least let us know that there was no purpose behind it. I may not agree with your methods, but at least then I will know what your message is (and that it is you have no message). Because the only thing more annoying than being interrupted is being interrupted and not knowing why. All that being said, I still think the best thing for everyone is that spectators stay behind the ropes and hot dogs should be eaten, not thrown.

A Little Chilly

For a lot of people, Labor Day signals the end of summer and trips to Cape Cod. Not me. I love going down to the Cape when the calendar reads September and October. Not only is it not nearly as hot, but the crowds are about 1/3 of what they are during the summer months. I was golfing at my country club on the Cape on Thursday and it was as if I had my own private golf course. (Note to self: become rich enough to have own private golf course. That was awesome.) There is just one down side to all this - it gets really cold during these New England fall nights.

Since we're getting near the time when we have to close the beach house for the year I decided to go for one last long weekend. Everything was going fine until Thursday morning when I whipped my covers off in the morning and was greeted by the coldest bedroom in history. Temperatures overnight had dropped into the mid-40s and since the beach house isn't insulated it wasn't much warmer in the house. (Actually, 50 degrees, according to the handy indoor/outdoor thermometer.) Then it heated up outside much faster than inside, as within an hour it was 60 degrees outside and just 55 degrees inside. Thank God I brought a space heater with me or I wouldn't have made it to a second night. In the least shocking newsflash ever, I awoke with the beginnings of a cold Friday morning.