The Art Of Self-Diagnosis

Faced with record-warm temperatures yesterday afternoon I decided to brave the high winds and head to the driving range for the first time in a few months. I actually hit everything better than expected given the length of that lay off and the fact that I was constantly being pelted by sand blowing off a nearby mound. In fact, the only thing which was bad about the experience was the guy a couple stalls down from me who was taking a lesson. At least, that is what I think he was doing - it was kind of hard to tell who the older man with him was, because the person doing the swinging wasn't letting the other guy get a word in. After every swing the student would self-critique what he had done wrong or right and the older man leaning against the fence wouldn't have time to either agree or correct him before the guy hit another ball and diagnosed that shot. Once this had been going on for a while I was tempted to ask the guy if he was so sure of what he was doing wrong, why did he even need an instructor (who was probably charging him $50 an hour)? Seemed like a waste of money to me.

There are several reasons I am in no rush to take golf lessons, but the main one may be that I don't think I would enjoy having someone stand behind me, observe every part of my swing and then offer suggestions. First off, having someone staring at me doesn't make me very comfortable and I play much better when I am comfortable. It is why I would much rather let a foursome play through instead of teeing off with them all watching me. Secondly, I don't really need constant feedback. Trust me, I know when the shot sucks - I don't need to hear your opinions on the matter. I would much rather hit four or five and then see if there is something I am consistently doing wrong instead of what I did wrong on that particular shot, because there is a chance it was just a hitch that one time and I may never do again. However, with that being said if I did have an instructor there, I would certainly use him. What is the point of hiring an expert to teach you and then not letting him teach? I can't imagine doing this anywhere else. You're not going to go to the doctor's office, let them take an x-ray and then push the doctor of the way to see if you can spot the break first. The man is there for a reason, so either let him do his job or send him home.

Admittedly, I do the same evaluation after each shot, but I keep it to my damn self. Even more annoying was the fact that the guy was doing his self-correcting out loud and his voice was high-pitched and piercing enough to cut through the wind. Every few seconds it was the same thing: (swoosh) "Oh, caught it thin. (swoosh) Man, I hooked it. (swoosh) Got under that one." Yeah, buddy, the rest of the driving range actually don't need a progress report on every shot and neither does your instructor - we don't care and he saw what you did wrong. The other thing, for those of you who don't play, is the fact that golfers are kind of a superstitious group. That is why the last thing we want to know about are other ways our swings could go wrong. Much like you shouldn't talk to a pitcher when he in is the middle of a no-hitter, no golfer wants to hear about someone else's swing problems because we think we might catch them like a bad cold. Thus, hearing this guy constantly complain about hitting his ball thin was making me worry about hitting my ball thin. I have enough thoughts going through my head about my own swing, I don't need concerns about a problem I don't even have showing up as well.

Now, obviously, this guy is not the first or the last person who has a habit of talking to himself out loud. Pretty much every place you go in the world you will find people narrating their life story to everyone and no one at the same time. Often these people are doing it as a way to engage people in conversation. They think if they make some comment about the weather or the service you will feel compelled to add your two cents to the conversation. [Sidebar: Take it from me - do not fall for this. If you engage them these are the people who will subsequently talk your ear off for the next two hours.] But, seeing as how this guy had someone to talk to and wasn't utilizing him, I think he just wanted attention. Thankfully I was mostly done with my bucket of golf balls by the time he showed up to begin this little act, because I'm not sure he was interested in the kind of attention I was thinking about giving him. If nothing else it reminds me that I have got to remember to bring my iPod next time I go to the driving range.