Not Much Of A Deal

This morning I was listening to the radio when the DJ mentioned that the station would soon be offering a free concert for their listeners. That sounds like a great event until you found out the two bands playing were a couple of one-hit wonders from the mid-90s and while I recognized the band names, I couldn't tell you the names of those hits if there was a gun to my temple. They were just a couple of generic bands that tried really hard to be alternative, but didn't seem like they were fully committed and ended up in some kind of quasi-alternative/pop universe which  resulted in not making fans in either genre. Seriously, picture a terrible and cheap college trying to book a "senior weekend" band without spending too much money in 2004 when one of the RA's suddenly remembers a band which was huge their freshman year but will play for cheap money five years later. These are the kinds of bands which would be in that line-up. It would have been bad in 2004 and in 2012 it's downright sad. I guess I should commend these musicians for still hanging in there, but either way I wouldn't recommend opening with the one hit or else they are going to be playing to a mostly-empty theater by the time they started their third song. Remember, even a legendary band like Metallica knows not to open with "Enter Sandman".

Anyway, I suddenly got the impression that even thought it was going to be free, the concert hall might have a hard time filling up. I know that nothing brings people out of the woodwork better than the word 'free', but there is a point you reach at which even that isn't enough to tempt the moochers into making the effort. Because, let's be honest, there really is no such thing as 'free' these days. That is why, as much as I hated the people during my radio days who won tickets and then asked where the seats are, I can see understand why they wanted to know. At the end of the day, it still has to be worth your time because it will cost you some money. Sure, the tickets themselves might not take any cash out of your wallet, but every night out still requires you to get a sitter (an especially safe bet with this show as I bet there won't be a single person under the age of 34 there), find parking and then pay for things like dinner or drinks. Honestly, after a while of adding all those little extra up it isn't enough for a show to be free - you almost think they need to start paying you to come out.

Now, I don't want to pick on this station, because at least they are trying. I mean, they could always have not even bothered to do anything for their listeners and therefore should be given some points for effort. But this incident just seems to speak to a larger issue I have been notice recently - people offering things you wouldn't want even if they are free and then claiming it is a great deal for you. There is just a layer of sleaze which coats every offer that attempts to make it seem like they are doing you a favor when the reality is it helps the company most of all. For example, it seems like every time I open a newspaper or turn on a TV I see some company which tells me that if I order now not only will they give me a second one for free, but then they will throw in a barely-related item at no extra charge! All I have to do is pay the shipping and the handling which, in case you were wondering, is double what the company has to pay to ship it to you and also more than covers the cost to make the free item. But, don't think about that part - just think about the word "free". Look, I have no doubt the station is getting a cut of the concessions for the night and on top of that they are probably getting sponsors to pay for the hall rental to begin with. I'm not going to begrudge you for making some money out of this deal, but I will resent you for painting yourself as a martyr in this situation while you do.

Also, while times might still be tough, that doesn't mean you should dial-back the quality of your merchandise and still expect people to be happy they are getting anything to begin with. Just because the show is free that doesn't mean you should be booking k-level stars and acting as though we are all so lucky they decided to grace us with their presence. The old saying is that beggars can't be choosers, but that doesn't apply to the world of marketing.  I mean, the last thing you want to do is offend your loyal followers, because there will come a time when times aren't so tough and you don't want them going elsewhere with memories of your company cutting corners just because you could. Or, worse yet, going elsewhere because they think K-level stars are the best level of musical acts you can get to play at your venue. So, while it might have seemed like a good idea to throw a free concert for your listeners, I suggest you upgrade the bands the next time you try a marketing stunt like this. Because otherwise all you are offering is a free nostalgia trip to the summer of 1997 and I wouldn't go back there if you paid me.