Weekly Sporties

-Prior to yesterday's Red Sox home opener, Rays designated hitter/outfielder Luke Scott made sure he wasn't going to be well-received by the Boston crowd after he had some unflattering words about Fenway Park. Scott said that while the fans might enjoy coming to a historic park, it was not fun for the players who had to work there, as conditions are very cramped. This comes on the heels of comments Scott made about Sox fans last year while a member of the Orioles, when he said he didn't like how they took over other team's ballparks and thought they were a vulgar group. Now, as a defender of all things Boston you might be expecting me to stick up for the park. Well, other than saying that allowing an opposing team's fans to take over your stadium when they come to town tells me more about the Orioles and their fans than anything else, I can't really disagree with Scott. I outgrew Fenway when I was 12, so I'm not going to fight him on his contention that the park is too cramped. Also, there are members of every fan base that take things too far and that includes Red Sox Nation. But, if Red Sox fans want to take solace in anything, they just need to remember that for all his talk if the Red Sox had offered Luke Scott the most money this offseason he would be playing in Fenway every day while talking about its rich traditions and the amazing passion of Red Sox fans. In other words, he's a whore and you should never pay attention to anything a whore says.

-In a recent interview with Time magazine, new Miami Marlin's manager Ozzie Guillen expressed admiration for Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro, saying he was impressed that Castro was able to stay in power for 60 years despite everyone trying to get rid of him. As you can imagine, this did not go over well in a Miami community filled with Cuban ex-pats who had to flee their home country out of fear of Castro. Protests immediately sprung up and one anti-Castro group said they would never go another Marlins game until Guillen was fired. Ozzie flew home during an off day in Philadelphia to apologize in person, but even that was not enough to satisfy some as they protested during his press conference. The Marlins have currently suspended him for 5 games, but that also hasn't appeared to have appeased anyone. Considering the Marlins brought Guillen in specifically to appeal to the Latino community and he clearly hasn't done that, if this story continues to drag on it could very well cost Guillen his job. Now, I'm not going to pretend that I know how offensive comments like this are to someone who is Cuban, but I do think Guillen was sincere in his apology. This is not the first time Ozzie has said something stupid, but this is the first time I have ever heard him apologize for his comments. He made a mistake and he is being punished for it, but I really don't think firing him is the answer. I know this much, if he does keep his job from now he should stick to only talking about baseball.

-One guy who won't be able to talk his way out of his latest mess is former Arkansas Razorback football coach Bobby Petrino. About a week ago Petrino was in what was initially reported as a one-person motorcycle accident. Then, a couple days later it was reported that Petrino had a passenger - a 25 year-old former Arkansas volleyball player who now works in the football department. Ok, not exactly a good sign, but the school could still hide behind the idea that this incident was a matter for Petrino and his family. (Their ability to hide was made easier by the fact the Razorbacks finished 5th in the nation last year and have 15 starters returning, so it's not like the alumni were up in arms.) However, then it was revealed that the woman got her job out of a pool of 150+ more qualified candidates and received a salary above what was allotted for the position. Since Arkansas is a state school, that means taxpayers were essentially paying for Bobby Petrino's mistress. That was the last straw and on Tuesday night Petrino was fired from his job. Now, Arkansas probably brought this embarrassment on themselves by hiring Petrino as he has a checkered past devoid of loyalty, which saw him interviewing for other jobs during the first year of his contract and leaving other teams mid-season, so it is not like he is a humble figure who just screwed up this once. They say that when you wrestle with a pig you're the one who ends up dirty. Funny, you would have thought a school with a Razorback for a logo would have known that better than anyone.

-One last coaching item: Despite my public plea a couple weeks ago for it to happen, Bill Parcells came out a few days ago and said he would prefer to stay retired rather than coach the New Orleans Saints for this season while current head coach Sean Payton serves a one-year suspension for his role in a bounty scandal. Now, there are conflicting reports as to how close this ever came to actually happening, as it appears Payton was the only one in the Saints organization really excited about the possibility, with the rest of the front office preferring to promote from within to ease the transition. On the surface you can understand their logic - after all Parcells is a big personality and might want to bring in a few of his own people, which could add additional tension around a team which is already in for a long year. So, the idea of choosing from the in-house coaches sounds all well and good, except this week the Saints named assistant coach Joe Vitt as the interim head coach. Normally this would be expected, as Vitt already was the assistant Head Coach. The thing is Vitt is himself facing down a six-game suspension for his role in Bounty-gate and has to be away from the team once the preseason ends. What that means is the Saints will then have to name an interim to the interim. What happens if that guy starts out 4-2? Does Vitt still get the job? What if he is 6-0? Do you really make a coaching change at that point? Oh, yeah, this is shaping up to be a much smoother transition than if you brought in Parcells.

-Early in the week, following another sub-par effort and reportedly a verbal altercation with team owner Mark Cuban in the locker room, the Dallas Mavericks deactivated forward Lamar Odom for the rest of the season. For some reason this seems worse than releasing him, as that would allow him to sign with a team for the rest of the season (though not be on the playoff roster). Instead they just sent him away to do nothing until next training camp, thinking it would be addition by subtraction. When Odom was traded from the Lakers for just a low-first round draft pick and a trade exemption, everyone thought the Mavericks were getting a steal. Instead Odom never seemed to be all that interested in playing for Dallas and appeared to just go through the motions. Reportedly the notoriously sensitive Odom is having a rough year off the court, experiencing a death in the family and marital problems. (He's married to a Kardashian, so imagine my surprise there. Those girls are like athlete kryptonite.) You know, I'm sorry Odom is having a bad few months, but millions of people go through this kind of stuff every day and they are forced to just suck it up and deal. The Mavericks have said they will try to trade Odom in the offseason, but good luck getting anything close to a return on your investment now. Only the Lakers can manage to trade a guy for nothing in return and still make out better in the deal.

-With the Summer Olympics fast approaching, the USA men's basketball team is once again expected to take home the gold. And Dwayne Wade thinks the players should be getting a little something for the effort. On Wednesday Wade said he thought the players should be paid for their time over-seas and the amount of jerseys they sell (Ray Allen has said he agrees with Wade, but since Allen has zero chance of being on another Olympic team, we'll focus on Wade here). By Thursday Wade had backed off from this comments, but I don't know why because I don't think he's totally wrong. Being an Olympic basketball player is a lot of strain on a player's body, considering most of the members of the team will make deep playoff runs and have played a lot of games between December and June. Not to mention this is technically their offseason so they should be resting because, unlike most sports in the Olympics, a gold medal is not the biggest prize basketball players are going for. (On more than one occasion I have been thankful members of the Celtics haven't been asked to be Olympians.) Now, I don't think they should be paid just for being on the team, but Wade suggested the players should be compensated for the jerseys they sell and that seems reasonable to me. As someone who has a lot of Dream Team jerseys in my closet I know that I was influenced by the name on the back just as much as the country on the front. Those jerseys are being sold because of who the players are, so I have no problem with those players getting a little cash for that. I know a lot of Olympians from other sports are going to complain because the basketball players already make a very good living and a little extra jersey money won't even dent their bank accounts whereas it could really change the lives of other Olympic athletes, but to that I simply say this: life isn't fair. Maybe you shouldn't have spent your childhood getting really good at a sport no one cares about for three and half years at a time.

-During last Sunday's final round of The Masters, South African Louis Oosthuizen scored one of the rarest feats in golf - a Double Eagle. Also known as an Albatross, it means you shot a 2 on a Par-5 and it is much harder to pull off than a hole-in-one, as evidenced by the fact that Oosthuizen's was only the fourth in the history of the tournament. But, what was weird is that he didn't seem to care that much and casually tossed the historic ball into the crowd behind the green. Now, before the round was even over it was reported that the man who caught the ball gave it back to Augusta National. At first I couldn't understand why you would give something like that away, especially when some websites were offering $20,000 for the ball should Louis win the tournament. But, I've come around on this. First off, the people who can afford to go to the last round of The Masters don't exactly need the money. Secondly, it's not like this guy had anything to do with the Double Eagle - he just caught the ball afterwards. Had he demanded a king's ransom he would have been just like one of those guys who catches a foul ball and then holds it hostage and I hate those guys. Thirdly, this is Augusta National. Something tells me he was well-compensated for letting them have the ball, even if details of exactly what he got will probably never come out. (My guess is he'll get to be a member for a day.) So, let this serve as a reminder to all the sports fans out there: sometimes the way to make sure you get the best deal possible is to not negotiate at all.