Can't Buy My Love

After seeing it the day it came out, I made my feelings known regarding the movie "GI Joe: Retaliation" and those feelings were pretty easy to sum up - I hated it. Not only did I hate it because it was a bad movie but because I grew up playing with GI Joes as much as I did the low quality of the movie actually felt more like a personal betrayal. Since the film was originally supposed to be released in June and the studio pushed back the release date until March I guess it shouldn't have been too big of a surprise that it was not good, just like I shouldn't be surprised that it is already on sale on DVD. While the turnaround from theater to DVD is typically 6 months so the timing is about right, movie studios have been known to hold out on the home versions of really good films until the holiday season rolls around because that is when people buy the most movies. However, in this case good DVD sales may be the only way for the studio to make any more money off this movie and that means striking while the competition is low, because if you put "GI Joe: Retaliation" up against almost any other option as a present, people are going with the other movie. Shockingly that includes me because even though at the time I said I would probably buy a copy of the DVD out of some twisted sense of loyalty to the franchise, now that I have had a couple months to think about it I've decided there are definitely better ways for me to spend my money.

It is human nature to over-react in the moment and I expected my feelings of just how bad I thought this movie was would fade over time. After all, there were plenty of movies I didn't like the first time around but now I quite enjoy them. However, with this movie every time I see a commercial I think about how bad it was and start to hate it all over again. I think the movie studios sensed this residual anger may have been an issue with the Joes' loyal fans, because I keep seeing ads for the DVD on television and to get you to buy the movie they are offering one of the rarest things in the film industry today - a pretty good deal. Normally a brand-new DVD is going to run you $25 and that is for the standard version. But, according to the commercial you can get the Blu-Ray and digital copy of "GI Joe: Retaliation" for $15. I have seen more than a few used DVDs which cost more than that and I think I spent more to see it in theaters that afternoon. Of course, I am not naive enough to think they are doing this as some sort of apology for how bad the movie was - they had a group of accountants sit in a room and figure out what was the lowest number they could price this DVD at which would still make the studio a ridiculous amount of money and this was the figure they came up with. I have no doubt the studio will still be making millions even at this lower price and they could probably knock a few more bucks off and that would not change.

Not only is the DVD company trying to rope people in with a low-cost movie, they are going the extra step to that oldest of marketing ideas to entice people to buy a crappy product that they don't really need - they are throwing in a free toy. Yes, if you buy a copy of the movie inside you will find a form to fill out to send away for a free personalized set of dog tags. Movie studios are not in the business of giving things away so even when it is something as small as a dog tag it shows just how desperate they are to pump up their DVD sales for this movie by any means necessary. I honestly can't tell if this is more or less insulting than when McDonald's gives away a free toy with each Happy Meal. Considering this film was marketed at the early-30s man who watched the cartoon religiously growing up you wouldn't think something as cheap and silly as a dog tag (which you could get at your local Army-Navy store for $2 and those would be metal. I assume the free ones will be plastic) would be much of an incentive, but GI Joe fans do love our collectibles. (It doesn't get as much hype as ComicCon, but there is a yearly GI Joe convention and no, I haven't gone to it... yet.) On top of that there is no denying that most people become powerless to stop themselves whenever the word "free" appears in front of them, so I have no doubt it will pull in a few more buyers than it probably should.

Still, I won't be one of them (at least for now). While I can admit to myself that I will eventually cave and buy a copy of this movie I am going to wait for a few weeks before I do so. This represents a real change for me, because normally I am insistent on getting the special edition of every movie (as evidenced by the fact that I bought the special case edition (it was metal) from the last movie) and that means getting to them before they are out of the stores. The fact that I am willing to risk it says something, even though I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be able to find one of these special copies whenever I get around to it. Also, it is not like I don't own copies of movies I don't enjoy, even though in those cases they were part of a set and it was cheaper to buy the three-pack than two movies individually. But I simply refuse to show support for this terrible movie because I want the studio to know real GI Joe fans were not happy with the finished product and when they reboot the series (which they will because even this terrible movie made $370 million worldwide), we want a better result. My missing $15 won't make any kind of dent in the movie studio's books but it is the only means of protest I have to work with at this time, at least that I know of. And if I learned anything from GI Joe it is that knowing is half the battle.