Similarly Specific

They say these days 1 in 5 relationships have started online. I actually think that ratio is much higher but only 1 in 5 couples are willing to admit they met each other through the internet because even though people have no problem hiring workers whose relationships are just as intimate (like babysitters, contractors or financial planners) online, there is still a stigma attached to online dating. Personally, I feel like as long as a relationship is making both people happy and is working well, than who cares how they met? Besides, I think too many people who lie about how they met their significant other forget one key thing about all relationships - no one gives a shit how you met. Too many couple think they will be judged based on how their relationship started, when in reality people are going to forget your answer by the time you walk away because it doesn't matter in their life. Remember this key life lesson: people are never talking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Seriously, it's like when I ask a pregnant woman I don't really know if she knows the sex of the child she's about to have; I'm basically just making conversation because I don't know what other topics are safe to talk about yet. So, if someone is asking you how you met your significant other it is only because you have failed to provide them with a more interesting topic to take over the conversation.

The good news is that if the number of commercials I see of online dating websites are any indication, that stigma is starting to go away. It feels like I can't go a single commercial break without seeing an ad for a dating website and what is fascinating is that the number of sites are growing. Seriously, every week a new site starts up and they must be doing well to afford all this TV time. Apparently there are so many single people in the world that your more famous dating websites just can't handle the traffic. What I am less enthusiastic to see is just how focused these sites have started to get. It used to be that when you filled out an online dating profile they would ask you a lot of questions to help whittle down the prospective dates. Now you can cut out a big section by going to a site designed specifically for one section of the population. I guess it makes sense if that one aspect of your life is really important to you, which is why I was not surprised when the first niche dating sites to take off were religion-specific. I was even less surprised this afternoon when I saw an ad for an atheist dating site (always a step behind the organized religions, aren't you, atheists?). But then someone brought to my attention a website where farmers can sign up to mingle with other farmers. I think we have officially gotten a little too specific.

Look, I believe the foundation of any strong relationship is sharing a common interest. You'll never run out of things to talk about as long as you both have an opinion on something that both people in a relationship are passionate about. Couples don't even have to both like the same thing, but they have to at least be willing to understand why the other person may be so into it. That being said, a good amount of differing opinions in a relationship is also a very good thing. I know this one personally - one of the worst first dates I ever went on was with a girl who worked in the exact same industry as me. I thought we would have a lot in common to talk about and instead we spent the night complaining about our jobs. Not exactly the best way to get to know people. There is a reason the saying "opposites attract" has survived as long as it has and that is because it pushes people to step out of their comfort zones and experience new things. On top of that, there is something inherently wrong with individuals who only want to surround themselves with people who believe all the same things as they do. If all you want to do it sit around and be told that every single thing you think is right you're not going to grow up or learn to evolve. If that is your plan you may as well stay on the internet and not schedule any real dates.

It all just makes me fear that we have gotten too comfortable getting exactly what we want from the internet. This isn't like browsing a website until you find just the right pair of sneakers in your size and for the right price - no one will ever fit the exact mold of what you want from a person so you'd be better off not looking for it. I don't think it is a stretch to believe that the daters on these very specific sites have already exhausted the idea of dating everyone in their inner circle, which makes me wonder if the reason these people have had such a hard time finding someone to love is because their search has been too focused. Einstein always said the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing and expecting a different result. If they are willing to expand the dating pool to include everyone with internet access, maybe they should also consider opening up other aspects of their search, such as the people not needing to work at the very same job as they do. Besides, if these daters want to find someone who knows how to operate very specific machinery there was already a website for that - Monster.com. (Honestly, I am not sure if that would be more or less embarrassing than telling people you hooked up after finding each other on a website for single Christians who are lactose intolerant, have birthdays in March and whose favorite color is red.) At least if a couple meets through that site they can fudge the truth a little and tell people they met at work.