Wrap Your Head Around This

Between the starter cord breaking last time I tried to use my lawnmower and the fact that July has been one of the hottest months on record for this area, I hadn't mowed my lawn in several weeks. As you can imagine, it was getting a little out of hand. The heat may have kept the lawn from growing at it's normal rate, but it was still quite lengthy in some parts. Because my lawnmower is not very wide I knew it was going to take me forever to cut the lawn, especially since I was going to have to do several sections more than once and I was really dreading getting out there. It was so bad I started doing that thing where you question the very existence of the chore you are facing. ("Why do we even grow grass anyway?) Still, with the forecast for the rest of this week looking full of rain and then more humidity I knew that today was going to be my best chance to finally make the yard look more respectable. The good news is that because my father loves a good infomercial and my mother doesn't want me to die of heat-stroke I was given a present a couple of days ago - a special high-tech towel/bandanna which claims that it will keep you cool for up to two hours. According to the packaging all you have to do is wet it down, wring out the excess water and then it should keep you feeling cool and refreshed for the foreseeable future. Sadly, it didn't work quite as well as advertised, but I don't know if that was because the idea itself is flawed or the package designer didn't think it through.

At first glance the technology seems pretty straight-forward: rather than using the moisture-wicking technology that everyone loves to use, this is moisture-capturing fabric. You hold the bandanna under cold water for a couple of minutes, ring out the excess, 'snap' the towel and then tie it around your head for hours of cool relief. The packaging literally had three steps to it. But as I was out there mowing away, I have to say that I wasn't really feeling all that cool. Sure, it felt very cold right when I put it on, but you could get the same results from a paper towel. I need something that is going to keep cooling me down after an hour. Now, it is entirely possible that this is all user error because, as we have talked about many times before, not many things in this world are designed with a Rakauskas in mind. Not only do I have a massive head which would probably require extra water to cool it I tend to run hot as it is. I seriously believe that while most people's bodies stay at 98.6 degree, my internal thermometer is probably over 99 at all times. Plus, it is entirely possible I tied the bandanna too tightly around my head because I was convinced it was going to come off, or I may have tied it the wrong way, because I should have used a headband configuration to make sure the top of my head was open to allow heat to escape. Really, there were several ways this could have been my fault, so I figured one or all of these things may have contributed to why I didn't feel like I was mowing a lawn located near the arctic circle.

So, I was willing to shoulder all the blame for this product not working as advertised, right up until I went to throw it into the laundry once I was done with my yardwork. I was checking the tag to get the correct washing instructions (it was one of those tags which forms a loop) when I noticed that there was another tag, inside the loop. On that tag were a few additional notes, the most important of which read, "Wash in cold water before first use." I'm sorry, but if they meant that I was supposed to put this towel through the washing machine before I ever used it, shouldn't that have been on the outside of the packaging? That seems like a pretty big step we just skipped. For all I know it is the run through a cold washing machine which really sets this product off. (I don't know how the technology works, so it is good a reason as any.) I just don't understand why this tag was located in that spot. I mean, if something should be done as the first step wouldn't you put those directions in a very obvious place? This is like putting directions which include the words, "but before opening the box" inside the box. Forgive me for not assuming I was on a scavenger hunt for instructions. Also, I'm pretty meticulous about washing clothes I bring home from the store before I buy them, but even I don't wash bandannas. Assuming everyone washes their new purchases before a first wear seems like a pretty big leap of faith by this company. Just because the package designer is paranoid about washing everything they own the second the buy it, that doesn't mean the rest of us share that phobia.

Of course I should probably remember that this product was offered on an infomercial for a reason, which means it most likely wouldn't work under any conditions. The problem is that at that point I wasn't about to take the rest of my clothes out of the washing machine just to wash this one towel (which seems like a waste of resources anyway) and simply washed it with the rest of my laundry, so I'll never find out how the towel would have worked under the manufacturer's ideal conditions. Of course, since we are talking about an infomercial product I can't dismiss the idea that the packaging was designed with this gigantic flaw in it for exactly that reason - you can't very well complain the product was faulty if you didn't follow the instructions from the very start. But despite already having washed it once I will give it a try the next time I head out to mow the lawn and try a few different tactics so see if the towel does a better job of lowering my core temperature. The good news if it doesn't work is that summer is now half-over, which means I could just avoid mowing my lawn for another couple of weeks after that and by then temperatures should be cool enough that I don't actually need the magic bandanna. Because never forget, the best way to guarantee a product will work better than advertised is to not need it in the first place.