Alright, just wanted to mention a couple of final items about the naked man incident from Monday and then this blog will go back to talking about things like the Celtics' off-season moves and how I hate it when people in line at Marshall's give me what I considered to be dirty looks. First, I re-edited the original blog entry. In my haste to get a post up as soon as I could I left out or simply glossed over some minor details. While that may not seem like a big deal, the storyteller/writer/editor/perfectionist part of my brain simply wouldn't allow that kind of thing to happen. Thus, I went back and put a couple of things in with more detail. While it only added one or two short paragraphs, I feel like it's better now. Also, you can't imagine the peace of mind I have now that my brain isn't reminding me I left a couple jokes out there for the taking. Secondly, a police update: turns out that the guy won't be charged with anything because he wasn't on drugs; he's known to have mental problems. I'm not sure if he was off his medication or not, but he just had to stay in protective custody for a couple of days. Also, according to the cops he won't be charged with breaking and entering because he didn't have to break anything to enter. Apparently, we're extra technical with the law around these parts.
It's the last item I take exception with: that makes it sounds as if this thing is somehow my fault. How dare I not have my doors locked in the middle of the afternoon on a holiday when I'm expecting people? By that logic, if I left my car door unlocked while I ran inside to grab something, anyone who comes along can help themselves to a ride and it's not grand theft auto. Now, I'm sure if I felt like being a pain I could push the issue about charging him with something like Unlawful Entry, but I don't. Instead the police want us to send him a "Letter of Disinvite" which is what I want to talk about here. For those of you who don't know (and I'm assuming this is most of you, because I had never heard of this thing before yesterday), a Letter of Disinvite is what you send to a person who has either entered your property against your wishes or has made of a fool of themselves after being invited and states you do not want them to return ever again. This will establish a legal precedent with the police so the next time this person comes around you can file more serious charges against them. I guess the first time you wander uninvited into someone's house is free - consider it a warning (for both sides involved). This is commonly used to get homeless people to stop hanging out in malls and is the same thing that gets sent to people who get barred from Gillette Stadium for being drunk and disorderly. No charges will be pressed for now, but if the person is caught on the property again you can charge them with a felony. Essentially it's a legal document which says, "Don't come back, ya hear!" Frankly, this doesn't sounds like the punishment is fitting the crime to me. I feel like we're too quick to lump everyone who gets thrown off someone else's property into one group here. Perhaps being able to pick a level of disinvite is in order.
Still, I think my biggest issue with the Letter of Disinvite is the name. "Letter of Disinvite" sounds like the title of an email you would send to a person who you once considered a friend, but who you now don't want to come to your wedding because one night they got drunk and talked crap about your fiancee. Also, when I hear that someone is getting a "Letter of" anything, it sounds really important. I have visions of a horse-drawn carriage delivering a scroll, sealed with a wax Royal Crest that someone pressed in with the ring they inherited from their grandfather. It doesn't sound like a bad thing, is my point. I'm almost sad I'm not getting one. (I do love getting non-bill mail.) While I'm pretty much satisfied with the intent behind the letter (mostly because I have to be), I just want it to have a more bad-ass name. I want this guy to get a "Letter of stay the hell off of Myrtle Street" or a "Letter of you'd better hope I don't see you again." I want him to feel like he did something seriously wrong, not that he can't come to my Super Bowl party because he always brings Natty Ice but then drinks nothing but Guinness.
[Update: I'm not sending the crazy, naked man a "Letter of DisInvite" but that doesn't mean I can't write him one.]