Muffled Meatheads

It only took me a couple of weeks of being back in the habit of going to the gym regularly to be reminded of all the kinds of people whom you do not want to be working out next to. In my opinion the most obnoxious are the gym-goers who seem to think they own the place. These are the ones who attempt to work on two machines at opposite ends of the gym at the same time and yet somehow you are supposed to know this. Just this morning a man gave me the stink-eye because I had the audacity to adjust the machines I was using while he occupied another one. You see, I had no idea he was in the middle of his bicep curl set, most likely because he was on the rowing machine when I got there. I have always just stayed at one machine until I was completely done with it, so the way I figure it you can only lay claim to more than one machine at a time if you own the building. But, this is hardly the only annoying person you meet at the gym. There is also the ones who refuses to wipe down the machine when they are done (coincidentally they are also the sweatiest), the people who sit at machines for 20 minutes having a conversation without actually working out and the ones who stand over you while you finish your set because the clipboard told them which exercises to do and they refuse to deviate from that list even a little bit. Honestly, when you think about it you can suddenly understand why most people are never excited to go to the gym.

Still, the worst of the worst are the meatheads. These are the guys who are often way more jacked than any human needs to be, give off a very shady vibe and you are 99% sure you can buy steroids from them if you can just figure out the right code word to let them know you're not a cop. Also, they like to flex in front of the mirrors and hog all the free weights for the 25 minute run-up to their actual attempt to max out on the bench press. But I could put up with all that (all of it), if they would just shut the hell up when they were actually lifting. There are few things people working out value more than being able to focus on what they are doing, as evidenced by the fact most of them are wearing headphones which cover their entire ears. No one should have to hear another person straining to finish their set unless they have agreed to spot them. Also, when you are trying to count out your own set the last thing you want is the person next to you counting even louder. The reason no one likes meatheads is because they apparently don't believe this, as they are unable to just lift - they have to let you know they are lifting by practically screaming with each lift. Even if they are planning on maxing out (lifting the maximum weight they are able to get up just once), they need to make sure everyone around them knows about it. Some find the noise intimidating, others find it annoying but everyone outside the person making the noise agrees it probably needs to stop. That is why I wasn't totally surprised to learn that a man in Haverhill was kicked out of his gym for grunting too loud.

The gym in question is a Planet Fitness, who had a famous series of ads last summer about how they are not the gym for certain types of people, the meatheads being chief among the banned list. In addition to discouraging people from grunting, Planet Fitness also has what is known as the "Lunk Alarm" when people drop weights loudly. The entire campaign is designed to make the people who just want to drop a few pounds or rehab an injury feel comfortable in a setting which can be intimidating. The kind of clientele your gym attracts can make all the difference and half the time you won't know who those people will be until after you sign up, so letting people know from the start they won't be dealing with obnoxious people like meatheads is key. It is exactly the kind of message gyms should be sending because I think that too many people psych themselves out of going to the gym before they even leave their houses because they know they won't be able to keep up with the people who have been working out for years. (I know it's not a contest, but something about working out next to a total stranger makes you compete with them. It's in our DNA.) Any idea which would get people to act a little healthier sounds good to me so the idea that a gym would penalize a guy for breaking their clearly-established rules makes sense. The problem is that even though I don't like the meatheads who grunt loudly when the workout, kicking someone out of your establishing for grunting too loudly sounds awfully like a harsh judgement from a place which bills itself as a "judgement free zone."

I can't believe I'm sticking up for a meathead, but part of me wonders if the gym was in the wrong here. (It's my nature to automatically defend anyone that I think is getting picked on.) The thing about grunting while lifting weights is that some times you just can't help it. It is like any other noise the human body can make - occasionally they slip out while your mind is concentrating on the task at hand. Plus, I would like to remind Planet Fitness that they are a gym, not a library. If you aren't making any noise at the gym than you probably aren't working out very hard and wasting money every month. Now, many people have said he should have joined another gym, one where grunting and groaning was permitted. That's fine in theory, but you wonder how many other options this guy had, because not every town has 4 gyms go choose from. Maybe he didn't want to join Planet Fitness but there were no other gyms in the area for him to go to. So, my conclusion is that if the guy was kicked out for repeatedly letting some noises seep out it sounds like Planet Fitness may have overreacted. The problem is that, like all things, I assume we're only getting half the story here. The news item did say the guy talked back to the staff, but it could just be that he felt like he was being personally attacked, because he kind of was. Hopefully this whole thing can get sorted out with an apology because I would like to think involuntarily making noise wasn't worth a lifetime ban from an establishment. But, mostly I am hoping Planet Fitness takes this guy back so he doesn't end up a member of my gym.