Some Things Never Change

This is a great time for people who love movies but don't like going to movie theaters anymore, because it this is the season when all the movie which came out towards the end of last summer finally make their way to basic cable. Arriving just as the night get longer and colder, it is a wonderful time to catch up on all the films we missed during their original runs. Normally I wait until I have seen several movies over the course of about a month before I bring you a round of movie reviews. I figure since I am not going to tell you whether or not to actually see the movie it doesn't particularly matter if I give my thoughts on a film in a timely manner and on top of that the current crop of Hollywood offerings have been pretty lame. There have been very few movies which have come out lately that would even warrant their own post because it is mostly the same collection of retreaded stories we have all heard before. The thing is, rules are made to be broken (especially when I am the one who made the rule as well as the one who will be breaking them). The way I see it there are two times when it is ok to give a movie its own stand-alone post: when it is amazingly good or amazingly stupid. Considering the movie I'm about to talk about came out a year ago and was in theaters for about two weeks, I will let you guess which category it fell into.

The movie in question is "Last Stand" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. You may not remember this now, but when it came out last year there was quite a fuss made over it because it was the first movie Arnold had been the lead in since becoming Governor of California in 2003 and was supposed to mark his return to cinematic glory. The good news for the people of California is that he must have been very dedicated to running the state during all those years away because he clearly didn't spend that time reading scripts or plotting out his movie comeback. I've often heard actors say that the best phase of any career is when you can finally start to be picky about the roles you take on. That peak where they have built up enough credit in Hollywood that they no longer have to take any job that comes along because they are desperate for money and it allows them to take more risks and fight their way out of being typecast. Sometimes, it works great and the actor is a revelation (think John Travolta in "Pulp Fiction"). Others, it doesn't work quite as well but you at least want to give them credit for trying (Adam Sandler in "Spanglish"). Schwarzenegger is apparently content to just keep doing what he knows what worked in the past, either not knowing or not caring that it isn't working as well as he thinks it is.

This movie is a total throwback to the kind of thing Arnold would have made in the early 90s. It hits all the mindless action movie cliches: grizzled veteran cop who saw a lot of action back in the day, is way overqualified for the job he currently has but is happy with his quiet life? Check. Girl sidekick who is way too hot to have that job in real life? Yep. Eager young cop who wants to transfer to a bigger town because he is itching to finally see some action (foreshadowing that he will be dead in 10 minutes)? Done and done. Incredibly evil super villain who escapes from jail and is running towards freedom in a ridiculously convoluted and unnecessarily complicated way? You betcha. Skeptical FBI agent who refuses to listen to a small-town sheriff? Damn straight. Drawn-out fight seen in which a nearly 70 year-old man somehow hangs with a much younger opponent who is trained in martial arts? Of course. Wisecracking town elderly town folks who don't seem at all concerned that half their town just exploded? You know it. Hell, they even threw in the "town drunk who never cared what people thought until this moment when he suddenly wants redemption" just for the hell of it. The only thing they missed was an angry step-son who learns to respect his new father by the end of the movie. Maybe they were saving that for the sequel.

Since I love a good action movie you probably think I would love this flick and you are not totally wrong. I'm not saying the movie wasn't entertaining for what it was and what it meant to be (I didn't go in expecting "Saving Private Ryan"), just that watching it was a little sad, almost like seeing Elvis in the fat, jumpsuit-wearing phase of his career still trying to make the girls shriek by swiveling his hips. Seriously, it is like Arnold thinks he just hit pause during his time in politics rather than time actually passing. You would have to assume someone would have taken Arnold aside and pointed to a guy like Leslie Nielsen, who reinvented himself into a comedic actor after 40 years of playing serious roles and had an amazing second act to his career. I don't think anyone ever expects Arnold Schwarzenegger to start contending for Oscars due to his amazingly accurate portrayal of Lincoln, but if he wants to keep making movies he can't keep falling back to the stuff that worked for him 15 years ago. At some point no one is going to want to see an old guy doing stunts and we are quickly closing in on that point with him. Judging from the trailers for his upcoming movie "Escape Plan" with Sylvester Stallone (He's another one. We should have never encouraged him after the first "Expendables" movie.), it doesn't look like he is in any hurry to change up the trajectory of his career. If he's not careful one of these days he is going to discover the people who but movie tickets will make that decision for him.