Pecking Order

As a big fan of movies I have seen more than my fair share of teen comedies in which a character goes to the object of their affection's house in the middle of the night and tries to get their attention by throwing pebbles at their bedroom window. [Sidebar: I feel like this is another one of those things which has happened on film more than it has ever happened in real life. There are too many things which can go wrong for this to still be the romantic gesture it once was. First of all, who has that many small pebbles laying around their yard? Secondly, even the smallest rock can chip a pane of glass if thrown hard enough and how exactly are you supposed to know what constitutes too big? Breaking a window doesn't seem like the best way to impress your significant other's family. Third, how are people so accurate when they are throwing something so small? Lastly, I have a logistical question: why don't any of these movie characters ever have a screen in their window? Honestly, I would believe some of the stunts I see in action movies before I would believe the pebble to the window cliche. The only good news is that I imagine thanks to cellphones and texting we won't be seeing this in the future.] But, while I clearly have an issue with the premise I can take no issue with the idea that tapping outside of someone's house is a great way to get their attention because I have been experiencing it for myself recently.

For the last couple of weeks my house has been quite popular with woodpeckers. I can't tell if there are several or just one really ambitious one, but several times a week I will be at my desk and hear a loud knocking through the wall on the corner of the house. It's a woodpecker, trying to get through the trim to the bugs it obviously thinks are hiding just below the wood. If this had only happened once or twice a month I would find the entire think annoying but no big deal, however these woodpeckers are coming by almost every damn day and starting to cause some serious damage to the trim piece at the front of the house. What makes this even more frustrating is that there are quite literally hundreds of other trees surrounding the property that they could choose to go after and yet they apparently find trim board the most tasty. This has lead me to conclude that woodpeckers are one of those animals which are very cute as long as they are on someone else's property. Seriously, everyone freaks out when the learn their is a skunk nearby but no skunk has ever damaged my house. Clearly, what those skunks are missing is good PR people because I am pretty sure if the Woody Woodpecker cartoon never existed people would be a lot less tolerant of these random birds damaging personal property.

Maybe I would deal with their arrival better if it was followed by a swift departure, but it never is. No, these little bastards show up and nothing I can say or do appears to phase them. At first I tried banging on the other side of the wall but mostly this just causes them to pause for a second while they try to figure out if a bigger woodpecker is on the other side and trying to communicate, but once they determine that is not what is going on they get right back to drilling a hole in the house. After that I tried yelling out the nearest window at them but again they would just stop to see where the noise is coming from, assume I was not a threat (sadly, they are right because I am not getting up on a ladder) and go back to pecking away. I thought about running downstairs and turning the hose on them but that seems like a lot of effort considering I have this sinking suspicion that as soon as I put the hose away and went back upstairs the woodpecker would come back and I would have to do the entire dance all over again. At some point it just becomes an issue of productivity cancelling out effectiveness so most of the time I just have to sit there and hope the woodpecker takes mercy on me leaves on its own in short order. The next step could be breaking out the airhorn and blasting it whenever they start pecking. I'm sure it would cause them to take off in that instance I just need to decide if getting rid of a woodpecker is worth making my neighbors hate me.

Earlier in the summer I told you how my dad was having all sorts of issues with squirrels taking down his bird feeders. It appears the animal kingdom has decided to take issue with my entire family. I can't help but wonder if part of this is our fault since we put out things like feeders to attract birds because it is not like the feeders are going to only attract the kind of animals we want. You take the good with the bad, but the idea that these birds never would have stopped by my house if there wasn't a feeder in the backyard is the reason why I will not do what one website suggested, which is buying woodpecker-specific bird food. I want these things off my property, not simply distracted by a better alternative. Besides, what if right now I am only dealing with one or two and the promise of free woodpecker food makes my house part of their migratory route? Once those seeds run out they're going to go after the nearest wood and clearly trim board is tastier than your standard oak tree. I have been told there are chemicals you can put on your house to make it repel woodpeckers but considering I vaguely remember being told it had already been applied to some pieces of trim board after the last woodpecker invasion I have my doubts regarding their ability to work. No, my best hope for now is that the cold weather blasts through and causes the woodpeckers to head south and be someone else's problem. Woodpeckers do migrate, right? Because if they don't I may just have to hand out earplugs to my whole neighborhood for Halloween.