When Is The Next Really Cold Day?

I've never been one of those New Englanders who spends all winter getting interviewed by the local news whenever it snows and declares to the world that they are moving to Florida. First off, snow in January doesn't shock me. After living here my entire life, I kind of know that it's coming. Secondly, I don't want to have my face on the nightly news with this declaration, because I know would never actually go through with the move. I don't need people seeing me on the streets in July and reminding me that I said I was moving. (By the way, in my head I get recognized on the street all the time.) I'm very aware that I don't do well in heat. I've got thick blood. I'm fine as long the temperature stays somewhere between 70-80 and the humidity doesn't get too high. Anything beyond that and I start melting. But, I think the main reason I don't want to move somewhere more tropical is the insects. Think about it - you never hear about monster spiders in cold climates. There is a reason that the news in these parts freak out whenever some unlucky person finds a Black Widow spider in with their freshly-delivered-from-someplace-else fruit. It's because we don't usually have to deal with them - that's a warm climate problem, like wild fires.

Yet, every spring when it starts to warm up around here I begin to see various types of the little bastards come around and then I spend the next six months systematically squishing them in Kleenex while trying not to leave a mark on the ceiling. I can only imagine that in warm climates this is a year-long process. Say whatever you want about the New England area, but once we have that first freeze of the year any ant problems are over until next April. But for right now, with a week of temperatures near 90 degrees, I am squarely in the thick of the battle. I'm not sure where the spiders are coming from or hiding during the day, but they sure are busy at night. Every morning for the past couple of days, when I walk from one end of my room to the other, I find myself walking through a spider web. (And, as I am sure you have experienced, there is no graceful way to walk through a spider web. It's a lot of recoiling and swiping at something no one else can see. It is never anyone's finest moment.) The more annoying part is that I can find the big spiders without issues, but I don't think they are the web-making culprits. It's almost like they are a sacrificial diversion for the smaller spiders so I will think my hunt it over. They're not fooling me, though. I haven't found them all yet, but time is on my side: only two and half months until Fall.

-I'm having an internal debate over which retirement announcement was more unnecessary: Amanda Bynes or Joe Horn. Horn, a 38 year-old former NFL wide receiver, hasn't played in the league in two years, while Bynes is a 24 year-old actress who has done mostly work that I have never heard of (a quick IMDB search reveals I've pretty much only heard her, since she once did a voice over on Family Guy). Yet, both decided this week that they had to publicly announce they were retiring from their respective lines of work (Bynes, in oh-so-2010 fashion, did so over Twitter). Here's the thing in both cases: we kind of already knew. In Horn's case, 38 year-olds who haven't played in two years are clearly retired. As for Bynes, well, she's an actress, so Hollywood probably retired her before she could get to announcing it. In fact, her announcing her retirement was probably the most news she has made in a couple yeas. (Did Hillary Duff need to announce her retirement? No, one morning she just woke up to find she was.) Still, since Bynes was only 24, I'm going to say Horn's was more unnecessary, but only by a little.