Easily the strangest story of the week was the one concerning an Ohio man and his own private zoo. Apparently this guy liked to have a lot of large, exotic animals on his property and his collection had grown over the years to include dozens of animals such as bears, lions, giraffes, primates and even Bengal tigers (guess he just wanted the Cincinnati Bengals nickname to be truer than the Utah Jazz). But then he ran into some legal and financial trouble. (Shocking, I know. Who would have thought the creepy guy with the weird animals would be known to authorities?) So, on Wednesday this man decided to open all the cages and let the animals run free before taking his own life.
Ohio officials immediately told people to stay in their homes, keep their pets inside and lock their doors. Police tried to round up the harmless animals, but since this happened in a fairly populated area they ended up having to kill most of the dangerous animals including 18 tigers, 17 lions, 6 black bears, 2 grizzly bears, 3 mountain lions and 2 wolves. [Sidebar: I would like to take this moment to tell all the animal rights people to shut up. Yes, I know the animals weren't in Ohio by choice and killing them is unfortunate, but human life is worth more. Seriously, could you imagine going out to grab the paper in the morning and a lion is walking down your street? The President of the Humane Society would be screaming for someone to shoot it.] It really is a sad story all the way around, because I had visions of them all hiding in the back of a van with a monkey driving down the highway, trying to look casual. This is what I get for seeing "Any Which Way But Loose" too many times.
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