People Will Buy Anything

In a quest for television entertainment the other night, I landed on the A&E program "The First 48." In case you haven't ever watched it before, "The First 48" is documentary series which follows detectives from various cities around for the first 48 hours of their investigations, because the majority of crimes which are not solved within the first two days never get resolved, so that time period is critical. (Quick tip in case you ever catch an episode: the suspect whose face is not blurred out is the one they end up arresting.) I actually enjoy this show a lot and if they are ever running a marathon of it, well, that can bring my day to a halt. However, even I have limits to how much I am willing to show my admiration for this program.

During one of the commercial breaks, the channel ran an ad telling people to "shop the First48.com website" where you could buy DVD copies of individual episodes or full-seasons of the series, as well as pick up some "First 48" merchandise. It was that last part which caught my ear. Who, exactly, needs "First 48" merchandise? And just what is this merchandise they speak of? So, full of curiosity, I clicked over and discovered you can buy a variety of things like shirts, sweatshirts and coffee mugs, all with the show's logo on it. Personally, I'm just dying to know who has ever bought one of those shirts. I'm pretty sure even the people who work on the show aren't stocking up on this stuff.

A couple of weeks ago I talked about how weird it was for me to see companies put Angry Birds on just about everything under the sun, but this feels even stranger to me. At least Angry Birds is a video game which can be marketed to people of all ages, so you'll get mostly kids and the occasional adult buying something to try and prove they are still young. But "The First 48" is not a show kids should be watching, so I can't imagine that they are getting a ton of young, hip people to check out their gear. This isn't a shirt you could even wear ironically. It sends a clear message: I enjoy shows about actual murders, none of this "CSI" crap. (I feel like the people who wear "First 48" merchandise are the same people who were a little too into "The Silence of the Lambs.") I mean, show up on a date wearing a shirt revealing just how much you enjoy watching people investigate murders and see if you ever get a second date.

Maybe I'm the wrong person to talk about this kind of stuff, because I can't think of a single program I watch today that I would want to let people know I am a fan of. (Besides, I'm too busy reminding people that I used to watch "G.I. Joe" as a child.) I guess that could have to do with the shows I watch. I'm certainly not about to rock some "Gangland" clothes, because I'm pretty sure that would get me shot. Anyway, before I go I'll just leave you with this reminder: if you're having trouble coming up with a gift idea for me this holiday season, but you remember how much I enjoy a good documentary series, I want to be very clear about this - do not get me any "First 48" clothes.