Thursday, July 15, 2010

They Care More About Your Dignity Than You Do

For as much of a sports fan as I am, I got out of the autograph-hunting game fairly early. Getting autographs is a little like investing in stocks; you get the signature of a young player for cheap money and hope he blossoms into a Hall of Fame career, which would make the autograph much more valuable. For example: if you managed to get an unheralded 6th round draft pick out of Michigan to sign a helmet during Patriot's training camp in 2000, you are sitting on several hundred bucks worth of sports memorabilia right now. However, I bought stock in Ron Mercer which convinced me I was not good at the career prediction game. (Don't know who that is? That would be my point exactly.) Now, I have no problem if you want to buy a couple choice pieces from a store to sit around the house - a nice signed baseball bat can actually complete the look of any home office or man-town lounge. Personally, an autographed Bill Russell photo is one of my most prized possessions and I have a place of honor reserved for my Larry Bird jersey to hang once I get it framed. However, memorabilia from Hall of Famers is like buying Microsoft stock - less risk, but also less reward. Besides, I bought those items from a dealer, which feels like it's a little more dignified than tracking down and stalking professional athletes until they agree to sign your stuff. Letting someone else do the dirty work just seems better, even if it really isn't.

That's why I want to applaud the Baltimore Ravens for their new training camp policy - no autographs for anyone older than 15. There is something inherently sad about watching grown men chase after athletes who are younger than them just to get a signature. When I was working at Patriots' Training Camp the worst complaining after players decided to skip the autograph lines invariable came from the adults with three footballs and a helmet under their arms. Personally, as soon as I realised I was older than half the players on the roster I suddenly felt very weird asking them for autographs (it's also the reason that I have curbed my jersey wearing to a few specific times a year). So, I thank the Ravens for trying to save these people from themselves. There is nothing dignified about a 45 year-old man wearing a Joe Flacco jersey shoving a 10 year-old out of the way and shoving a sharpie in Ray Lewis' face. It is the same feeling you get watching guys with jobs and mortgages knocking people over to catch a foul ball. Now, I'm sure what is going to happen is either a) a lawsuit from some Raven's fan who thinks this policy goes against his Constitutional rights or b) memorabilia dealers will simply start paying kids to stand in autograph lines for them. I'm really hoping it turns out to be option B, because at least that way these kids can make a little money on the side. It may drive up the price for autographs in sports memorabilia stores, but can you really put a price on saving a little self-respect?

-While I try and keep politics out of this blog, I have never hid my distaste for Sarah Palin. Not only would I not vote for her in a Presidential election, but she is the one candidate who could motivate me to give up being a registered Independent and sign up as a Republican just so I could vote against her in the primary elections. However, even I felt kind of bad for her when news broke yesterday that her daughter Bristol was not only back with her baby's daddy and Playgirl centerfold Levi Johnston, but they are actually engaged. Now, this is not the first relationship in history that has ended badly only to see the couple try again years later. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants and maybe those crazy kids have a chance at making this work. (Editor's note: no, they actually do not.) But Johnston's conduct after the relationship ended seemed to exceed even the laws of a bitter break-up. I've heard of burning bridges, but Levi took a flame-thrower to them. I can only imagine that Thanksgivings around the Palin table will be mighty awkward in the near future. Also, the fact that US Weekly was told of the engagement before the bride-to-be's parents is what really stunned me. First off, I can only assume that People magazine passed, which means this couple is thankfully near the end of their 15 minutes of fame. Seriously, who shares news like that with The Today Show before their own parents?

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