Commercial Break-Down

Welcome back to the commercial break-down. For those of you who might be new, this is where I take a commercial and pick it apart. Now, more likely than not I found this commercial amusing the first time I saw it. But because I primarily like to watch sports and sports tend to have more commercial breaks than anticipated towards the end, thereby necessitating playing the same commercials more often, at this point I have officially seen it too many times. And because familiarity breeds contempt, now I'm starting to see details which annoy me. As such, the only thing left to do is break the commercial down, "Mystery Science Theater" style. Before we begin, the commercial in question: it is one of those DirecTV ads which takes mundane circumstances to ridiculous conclusions. You'll see what I mean.

Now, onto the breakdown:

:02 That is clearly not his kid, let's get that out of the way early. I get that you want probably don't want to kill yourself doing a lot of casting for a two-second shot, but it does show a lack of commitment to the details. Also, kids hit stuff whether they watch their parents do it or not. Commercial premise busted already, but we'll continue.

:08 I think at this point in time the only way to get expelled from school is to bring a weapon in. Even then parents and lawyers would be up in arms about how this is the failing of the system and not the child's fault (I've seen "Lean on Me" many times), so it is unlikely she would actually get expelled. Also, I know nothing about being a teacher, but I've been led to believe it pretty much sucks from sun up to sun down until the day you retire. If you are pushing to expel a kid from school just for knocking your lunch down on purpose you are probably too sensitive to have that job.

:10 Who the hell still hangs out at the arcade? And a leather jacket with studs? What year was this commercial made, 1982? If you are hanging out in an arcade or have hair that poofy you aren't tough, you have read all the "Twilight" books. Twice. And you cried.

:14 Wouldn't think a couple of crazy Goth kids would be into marriage, instead raging against it being part of the 'establishment'. Also, the "undesirable" is wearing skinny tights. Again, he is officially not tough. Plus, everyone looks very well-dressed in this shot. Shouldn't his side of the family be more leathered?

:19 A dog collar? Really? Again, was this commercial based off biker gangs from the "Police Academy" movies? Also, grandparents have a way of influencing their kids on how to dress their grandkids without actually being there to put clothes on the kid (it's like watching a Jedi mind trick in real life), so I'm sure this guy will figure it out before the kid's first birthday.

:22 Ok, this commercial clearly was meant to take place over a period of about 16 years. Yet, everything in the house, including the television on the wall, is exactly the same. (Again, showing a real lack of attention to details.) You haven't gotten a new TV or even painted the kitchen in all that time? No wonder the daughter turned out messed up, because she obviously has super-lazy parents.

:24 I'm sure this is the point where my father would point out that even though she was expelled from school and married what I can only assume is the lead singer of a WhiteSnake cover band, at least she got the sequence correct. He is always saying how it should be married, then children. Her parents might not have gotten much right, but at least that lesson slipped through.

:26 Yes, satellite TV is much cheaper than cable. It also cuts out when it so much as rains. That has nothing to do with the rest of the commercial I just thought you might want to know that. You're welcome.