Not An Instant Classic

I currently find myself in one of those lulls we all experience, where I haven't bought any new music in a while but have also grown tired of everything on my iPod. As a result I have been listening to the radio more than at any point in recent memory (other than when I was trying (and failing) to win tickets to a golf tournament), just so I can hear something different. As I venture back into the radio world, I find myself sticking fairly close to the classic rock stations. I do this for a few of reasons, but the main one is lack of other good options. A couple years ago people realized that sports talk stations do extremely well on the FM side of the dial and started bringing them over in droves. However, in doing this they pushed out most of the stations I enjoy and left the landscape rather barren. The remaining ones which weren't taken over consist of one hard rock station with a bad signal and annoying DJs, an alternative station with much better DJs but an even worse signal and 10 stations that all play what is supposed to be wide variety of Top-40 music, but it turns out "wide variety" actually means the same 10 songs on a three-hour loop. While the classic rock stations might not be much better, playing the same 15 artists all day, usually you are assured of the songs being good. Or, at least that used to be the case.

This issue has come to the forefront because, after years of saying how much they could not stand original singer David Lee Roth, would never work with him ever again and tried multiple options to replace him forever [Sidebar: all the while never wondering if maybe they were the people who were difficult to work with], Van Halen announced a reunion tour this week with Roth back on the microphone. Along with the new tour will be an album of new material. The first song off that new album, "Tattoo", was released to the masses this week and received heavy airplay. After hearing it a few times this week, color me underwhelmed. It sounds pretty much how you would expect a song from a band reuniting after 20 years in a blatant attempt to grab some money to sound, which is to say it sounds like a band trying really damn hard to replicate old-school Van Halen. There is nothing sadder than an old rocker still trying to prove to the kids that they still know how to party and this song is like audio proof that the band still trashes hotel rooms for no other reason than that is what bands did in the 70s and they just aren't quite sure how to do it any other way.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure I will say that I never really like David Lee Roth. I was too young when Van Halen first broke in with him, so my first taste of the band came during the Sammy Hagar era. While I hardly thought it was the most amazing thing I ever heard, it was fine enough. I didn't think it was any better or worse than what they had released before, so I just never got the longing for the good old days and the hero worship for David Lee Roth. Roth's personality probably wasn't helping. Every time he opened his mouth in interviews I found him more and more grating. Musicians, especially frontmen from these kinds of 80s rock bands, usually possess over-sized personalities by nature but Roth comes across as trying way too hard to convince everyone he is the most fun guy in the room. It conveys a certain desperation to be liked that reminds me of the person at the party who spends the entire time in everyone's face, repeatedly asking if they are having fun and in the process actually wrecks everybody's night. So, it is probably not a stretch to say that I was going in with a bias.

Be that as it may, I think that even if I was a fan of Roth this song would hardly warrant being on the classic rock station. People are too quick to let musicians skate by on reputation. Sure, the early Van Halen catalog has made it through with flying colors, but just because someone churns out a couple of hits that doesn't mean they have the Midas touch on every track. Some people may think U2 is a great band, but even their most loyal supporters are probably known to hit 'next' on their iPods when certain songs come up. You should have to earn your place in the rotation and this new track comes well short of that. I understand that they simply might not have anywhere else to play this track because it isn't hard enough to be on the rock stations and it isn't light enough to mix into the Top-40 stuff. Well, maybe that should be telling you all you need to know. It is always sad when a pro athlete stays beyond their prime, but at some point the game demands they get out. However, music has no such time-limits, even though it probably should. No one wants to hear a 60 year-old sing "Hot For Teacher" any more than they wanted to see Michael Jordan in a Wizards uniform. But at least with MJ no one tries to pretend his time in Washington was just as good as his early work by putting the games on ESPN Classic - people are realistic about what they were watching at that point of his career. Now if we could just be as realistic about what we are hearing.