Three Morals...

In my experience, there are life lessons to be learned everywhere, even in terrible movies. For example, a lot of people hated "Joe vs The Volcano" but, as my father pointed out, it taught us the very valuable lesson to always buy floating luggage. It's like the Dalai Lama said, "Even when you lose, don't lose the lesson." With that in mind, here are a few morals I picked up this weekend:

-Please don't mistake this for complaining, but you have to admit this has been a bit of an odd winter. First it snowed just before Halloween and then we didn't get another inch of the white stuff for the rest of 2011. Now we have started 2012 with an extremely warm front, as evidenced by the fact that we hit 60 degrees on Saturday. [Sidebar: it's funny how we're not hearing from the "Where's your Global Warming now, hippies?" crowd that usually like to crow the first time it snows during most winters. Scientists should be on TV using this winter as an example of how they might be on to something. Honestly, I think being a dick is the more effective plan to get your message out.] Anyway, like most people I wanted to get out and enjoy this amazing weather, so I started to look into playing an emergency 9 holes of golf anywhere. Sadly, most courses were closed for the winter and it turns out that a golf course is not something you can open at a moment's notice. Moral of this story? When I win the lottery and buy myself a golf course it will be open year-round. Closing several months at a time is a wasted opportunity I don't think the money you save by not paying people for 5 months offsets the money you lose by not being open when it's a mild winter.

-You know what is a very fun game to play? "Why is that person getting arrested?" I was driving down the highway the other afternoon when off to the side of the road was a man being led away from his vehicle in handcuffs. This is always amusing to watch when you are not personally involved in the situation. I found myself wondering just what this person did to warrant incarceration. Now, I'm going to guess that it was nothing very exciting. Probably along the lines of outstanding traffic tickets or failure to show up to court - something that wouldn't even make the police blotter at the end of the week. However, that didn't stop me from imagining that this guy was actually some world-famous criminal who was captured for something stupid, like having a taillight out. Moral of this story? Never get arrested. Because there could be someone like me just out of frame, making grand assumptions about you and I guarantee they will not be flattering.

-Following yesterday's upset of the Pittsburgh Steelers, people took to the internet to praise Broncos' quarterback Tim Tebow. Now, Mr. Tebow has never tried to hide his religious beliefs, which has made him a lightning rod for both sides of the issue. I end up feeling bad for Tim because he's open with his religion, but he never takes the extra step of trying to push it on other people, which I respect. Not to mention, there are those that try to push religion on other people in Tebow's name, which is not even in his control. Case in point: a couple hours later someone pointed out that when Tebow played in college, he would often write Bible passages on his eyeblack, usually John 3:16 (I believe the passage reads, "And God said, "Even I hate the Lakers."). It didn't take long for someone to point out that Tebow threw for 316 yards in the win and a short time after that someone pointed out that the receiver who caught the pass in overtime was born on December 25th. You know who else was born on December 25th? Jesus. That makes the Denver win officially a miracle. Moral of the story? There are a shitload of crazy people on the Internet.