Thursday, January 22, 2009

That's enough, Kobe...

As an unabashed Celtic lover, it is expected that I have no room in my heart for Kobe Bryant. But you see, it goes beyond just rooting for laundry. With most athletes, once they put on your team's jersey they go from enemy to friend in an instant. For example, I'm pretty indifferent about a guy like Deron Williams, but if he ever signed with the Celtics I would be first in line to buy his jersey and tout his point guard skills above a guy like Chris Paul (something I would usually laugh about Utah fans doing). But, there are certain guys who, if they were to ever sign with my favorite team, I would seriously question if I would have to switch allegiances for the remainder of their contract.

The first on my list would be Leonard Little. Here's a guy who killed someone while driving drunk and was so changed by it that he got busted for DUI again six years later. Why he flies under the radar and never gets brought up but a guy like Pacman Jones is synonymous with everything wrong in the NFL never ceases to annoy me. The other one is Kobe Bryant.

Fine, his skills are unquestioned; he's probably been the best player in the NBA the last two years - can't deny it. Doesn't change the fact that he is a douche of the highest order. Also, I feel he suffers from an inferiority complex the that is only matched by the size of his ego. When any NBA player (but especially LeBron) is brought up, Kobe must weigh in on the topic and make it about him. For example, during the summer Olympics, there were several stories about how teams in Europe would offer a king's ransom to get LeBron to play over there instead of the NBA. The next day, Kobe talked about how he would like to play in Italy someday. Spotlight turned. Jersey sales are slipping cause everyone already has your jersey? Just switch numbers and get it right back up in the top 10 in sales. Can't be out of the headlines for too long, now can we Kobe?

This week, with LeBron filming his AllState commercial about switching to football, people are wondering on ESPN if LeBron would be as successful in the NFL (he was all-state in football for Ohio while in high school). Kobe quickly let everyone know he would be a great wideout for the Eagles. Oh, and yesterday he wanted us all to know he could play left field for the Dodgers, too.

OK, I'm taking the last one first: Kobe, you are not Michael Jordan. I know he gave baseball a shot, but you need to stop and try to be your own man. Early on in your career when you tried to do the tongue waving thing, it was amusing cause you were 18. You're 30 now, man. Stop trying to be the next MJ. Now, about this football thing. I doubt LeBron would be good at football, despite his size, but I know Kobe couldn't do it. He's 6'6" and that would be nice at the goal-line, but at 205 he would get wrecked by just about any safety in the league. In other words, he may go get it, but he ain't coming down with it.

These stories about athletes who think they could cross over to other sports always annoy me. Like when Terrell Owens said "They call me the Michael Jordan of Football." (By the way, T.O., no they don't. I don't know of one person that does that. Just cause you lit up some boy band guy in a Rock n' Jock event doesn't mean you could start for the Lakers.) Trying to compare football and basketball is apples and oranges. I'll give you that basketball players, just because of the sheer amount of running and jumping they have to do, are probably the better pure athletes. But football players are the much, much tougher athletes. In basketball you're celebrated if you have the ability to play with the flu. In football you're expected to play on a broken leg. In basketball you're rewarded if you can flop and draw a foul on an opposing player. Football? Stop whining for a call, pansy.

Bottom line, Kobe: You're extremely good at what you do. Now just shut up and do it.

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