Dear Runners,

I've talked about my respect for people who jog strictly for their health. They are better people than I am simply because they are willing to do what I am not, which is run even though no one is chasing you. Hell, even if someone is chasing me I'm more likely to stand my ground and take my chances than run. But, there is an issue where I take offense with them: you people need to start using the damn sidewalks.

Last night I was going out on a snack run before the Notre Dame/Pittsburgh game (no, I don't want to talk about it, thanks for asking). Because it is passed Daylight Savings Time, it gets dark in these parts about 4 in the afternoon. Yesterday we were also fighting the remnants of hurricane Ida, so it was overcast all day and instead it got dark about 2. It was unseasonably warm thanks to the storm, so the runners were out in force. Normally I have my eyes peeled, but it was very dark and rainy, so every corner I came around the runners seemed to be popping out of nowhere (that one line of reflective tape down their back doesn't do much) and they were all in the road. I get that running outside is preferable to running on a treadmill, but if there is a sidewalk available you should use it. There is no chance you will win a matchup between a human and a Mercury Mountaineer.

-I understand Kay Jewelers are angling their ads towards women and style them in vein of a romance novel. But, this latest ad featuring a couple holed up in their cabin during a storm may be the worst thing I have ever heard. I actually feel bad for the actors who have to read this stuff. Really, it sounds like it was written by a 12 year-old girl. I bet the script even featured hearts instead of dots over the i's.