Waiting In Line Ramblings

I try to get all my holiday shopping done in one trip, two at the most. That's why I like to have a plan of attack going in, because I don't want to be wandering around the mall, just searching and waiting for inspiration to strike. Also, when I do these one or two trips I try to plan it so I can go during the middle of the week, cause I feel like the crowds are not as thick and it's a little easier to handle then. However, yesterday I realised there is a major flaw in my logic; one that I should have seen coming, because it is based on my own theory - the Strip Club rule.

I've talked about the Strip Club rule before. Basically the theory boils down to this: retail stores are just like strip clubs, in that the best and brightest talent are not going to be working the mid-day shift on a Tuesday. This shift is filled by any warm body that they can trick into working a dead shift in exchange for giving them a much better shift or even a day off on a later date. But, the ones who truly suffer are the consumers, because the service is way down. The staff isn't as knowledgeable and they don't put the same gusto into their work as the people who work the prime-time shifts. Today I was standing in line because the two people working the register were incredibly slow and one of the women could not, for the life of her, figure out how to fold a gift box. I'm willing to bet if I was in the mall on Saturday the A-Team would be working and those gift boxes would have been pre-folded to speed things up. It's just the little attention to detail that separates the Tuesday noon shift from the people who get the big Friday afternoon one.

-Speaking of lines, I get that stores deliberately have slow cashiers on sometimes. I worked in retail for a couple years, so I know this is because they want you to stand there for a little longer and have the time to think about picking up those last-second impulse items near the register. That's why everything near the registers is cheap. But, I would like them to work on hiding it a little better. Today I was in Victoria's Secret trying to buy a gift and there were only two women behind the counter, which had enough registers for 5 people. At one point two other people showed up behind the counter, but they didn't ring anyone up; they just sort of stood there and milled around. And during all this the line was crazy - in fact, it was worse than crazy because this store had not decided to add the little Disney World/airport-like temporary rope dividers that a lot of stores do this time of year (I don't like those things. It's like you're walking to go on a ride, only you don't get to go on Pirates of the Caribbean - you just give someone money). Instead they had three shelves of makeup in front of the counter. The result was people not knowing where to go, trying to make their own lines, randomly cutting people who had been there first and generally not leading to peace on Earth or goodwill towards men. But, yes we all had time to think about adding a few extra pieces of makeup to our purchase, so I guess it was mission accomplished.

-One last thought about the Victoria's Secret store layout, as I have another theory: the amount a store is willing to make you stand in line is directly proportional to what they are trying to sell you. The cooler their items, the more they know you will be willing to put up with the annoyance of standing there. Best Buy? Long lines because electronics are cool. Victoria's Secret? If a guy is in there with a woman it removes the pervert factor and he can spend all day standing around and soaking in the sights. But, the Calendar Store? You'd better hurry up and ring my tab, cause I can get this stuff anywhere. It even works outside of retail. Why do you think they don't care how long you wait at the DMV? It's because you need a license a hell of a lot more than they need another person on the road. Supply and demand at its finest.