Hitchhiking Tips

Yesterday, as I was cruising down Rt 109, I saw a guy hitchhiking. First off, I didn't even know people still did that. I thought it fell out of fashion once horror movie after horror movie featured people getting killed while hitchhiking. Apparently, people still do it. Also, I could have sworn it was illegal. But, the weirdest part was the guy (who looked a little "out there" to begin with) honestly looked surprised he wasn't getting a ride. Now, I'm not one to encourage hitchhiking, but if you're so inclined I thought I should at least offer you some helpful hints that would aid you in getting picked up faster.

• Location, Location, Location: See this guy's problem was that he was hitching at the beginning of a long curve. So, everyone had to slow down as they approached the curve, but sped up once they were in it. To this guy it had to seem that everyone was slowing down, thinking about it, then thinking better of it and speeding back up. I would imagine that hurts the ego. You need to be on a long straight away - that way people can see you for a while and think about stopping.
• Have a Prop: Honestly, having something in your hand would be helpful. Perhaps a gas can to give the appearance you just ran out of gas. Maybe a briefcase to make it seem you're on your way to a big meeting. Even a clever sign would be good.
• Dress for Hitchhiking Success: If you're looking for a complete stranger to allow you into their car, you can't make them think you're going to leave stains on their upholstery. Perhaps your dip-stained windbreaker should be tied around your waist. Or, you could put it in your briefcase.
• Put on a Happy Face: People have to be in a really good mood to let someone into their car. Don't ruin their good day by looking pissed like you're doing them a favor by allowing them to drive you somewhere.
• Be a Really Hot Woman: I can think of no faster way to get someone to stop for you. Carmen Electra could be standing there with an axe and a severed head, but I would still pull over and ask if she needs assistance.